I can't let go!!!!

So I went shopping today and got to spend just a few minutes alone with my hubby which is a rare occasion and when we got home the phone rang. It was Ashton calling to ask about our baby crib. A lady she works with was wanting a crib for her house for her granddaughter. We just took it down when we moved as Braden LOVED LOVED LOVED still having his crib. NO matter how many times we tired to let him sleep with Colton he would insist on getting back in his crib right as he was about to fall asleep. So when we moved we just didn't put it up. He got Colton's old bed and Colton got Annies old bed and Annie got one her big brother was trying to get rid of.

So here in the garage sits a good crib that we are tripping over, and someone wanting it and willing to BUY IT FOR MONEY, which I could use right now as I have a few things I'd love to get for the new house,BUT I CAN"T LET GO!!!!! And the funny thing is JOHN isn't really pushing me at all to.

I keep having these stirrings about another child--sometimes it's a waiting child but other times it's to do foster care again and so I'm finding it hard to let go of anything baby.Even though JOHN INSISTS WE ARE DONE AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE KIDS--he to is sending mixed signals--he talks about making a space we found in this new house into a bedroom if we buy it along with another undiscovered space and having a 5 bedroom house but if we are done and soon to only have 2 kids at home I can't see why we would need a 5 bedroom house! But everytime we look at houses this past year he would comment on getting a 4-5 bedroom house--so the stirrings remain and I"m not ready to let go.....

Maybe we are done but it doesn't seem that way most days--John actually said he isn't ready to get rid of the crib but doesn't want to set it up either and talks about a bigger house but says we are done and looks forward to only having our two boys at home so the confusion and maybe the stirrings are happening in his heart to........ I don't know but I"m pondering them in my heart and waiting for God's direction on the whole thing and in the mean time I'll keep tripping over the crib on my way to the car as it's a visible sign and reminder that something or someone may be in the works--lol!!