Kicking myself!

You know that old saying hind sight is 20/20 well it really is true! So is the trust in God's leading and ways and not mankind.How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and undo some decisions I made in my life but there really is nothing you can do but repent and press forward....'forgetting the things of the past and press in to the prize of high calling" that comes from serving God with all your heart mind body and soul.

Over a year ago when my faith was weak and my body doing some "freaky" things I ran to the doctor seeking answers. I was given medicine that would stop all the troubles while I worked on losing weight but it didn't happen like the doctor said it would. Instead I felt worse and then my body got worse. The sad thing was that I felt at the time He gave me the meds I shouldn't take them but work on the weight issue but FEAR from the "attacks" I was having out weighed my faith and I took the meds thinking I would just go off them when everything got better.

And now here it is over 14 months later and I"m not only better but clearly see my lack of faith over myself and how I have allowed fear to rob me of my faith. With the doctors permission I'm trying to get off the meds but it's proving far harder than I ever imagined--my body is reacting in not so fun ways and I'm having to use every once of faith I have to not let fear of what the withdrawal symptoms are doing to me take over. Some of the withdrawals are worse than anything I had before I ever took the meds!!!! I'm going to be taking it one day at a time and trust in the Lord with all my heart,mind, body and soul.

The good news is that my blood pressure has come down with the twenty pounds I have lost so I don't need this BP med any more...... I just need to get through the beta blocker withdrawals which are brutal at times.

I'm so looking forward to being 'myself' again!!!

Flying the coupe!

The time has come for our youngest daughter to spread her wings and fly. Annie got her own apartment this week and moved. It's been VERY hard on this over protective Mom to let her go even though I have done it three times before. You know the day you hold your precious kids in your arms they are only yours for a while but that "DAY" of letting them go seems so far in the future that you never think about it. I should have been better prepared but I wasn't ,even though she had this place on hold now for a full month I guess I had this tiny bit of hope that she would change her mind and decide to say a little longer.

I have spent the last three days watching her excitement and holding back my tears and trying not to let on what I have been feeling, after all every girl just wants to be excited about their first place and not have her mom rain on her parade. BUT MAN IS IT HARD!!!! I haven't been sleeping, food doesn't taste right and my nerves are on edge!! Then this morning the light bulb goes off and I realize the reason I have been struggling is I haven't turned HER OVER TO GOD--after all she really is his daughter before she is mine. So this morning that is what I"m doing!! Praying crying and giving her back, reaching out to that new phase in her live that means I'm not as needed as I use to be.

I'm going to try and find the blessing in being the ONLY FEMALE in the family. FInd the joy in ONLY having two kids at home--which is so weird it isn't even funny....... Embrace the fact that the only kids I will be cleaning up is the ones that are still little enough to need to be cleaned up after and not big enough to know better.

I went to Annies new place yesterday and she was excited to show it off--it's just a tiny little apartment but she is so proud of it. Colton wants to come spend the night with her and of course her Daddy is thinking that is a good idea--lol!!! We were teasing the boys that she was moving to the moon as I don't expect her to come home for visits anytime soon ( at least not till the money runs out and her food is gone--lol!!), so now her place is nick named "THE MOON" and the boys can be heard saying " I'm going to visit the moon today!". We pray her journey at the moon is filled with joy, peace, prosperity, and great health and for this mom a little tiny bit of longing to come see the HOME BASE every now and then!!

So for my youngest daughter let me say....... MAY THE LIGHT OF YOUR UPBRINGING SHINE BRIGHT AS YOU SET YOUR FEET UNTO THE PATH GOD HAS FOR YOU--MAY YOUR HEART BE FILLED WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS--MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE---AND MAY YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR MOM LOVES YOU AND IS PROUD AND THANKFUL GOD CHOOSE YOU TO BE HER DAUGHTER!!!!!