The land of more than enough

we found one!!!

2009-11-18T14:38:00.002-06:00

PRAISE GOD For all He provides!!! We found and have had our bid accepted on a house!! It was the most complete house for what we wanted in a great neighborhood. I really wanted a house that had all the bedrooms downstairs as I'm sorta tired of hauling baskets of laundry up--these granny legs aren't what they use to be--lol!! John got the three car garage he wanted too!

The best thing of all is that we should be closing on our wedding anniversary! Now that is the best anniversary gift ever!

House shopping!!!!!!

2009-11-12T10:56:00.003-06:00

I am over the moon with excitement about going house hunting!! I never thought we would be at this point again with all that has taken place. I could not have known we would be going through all we did well over a year ago when we finally just picked up and moved form the Wagoner house but GOD HAS BEEN FAITHFUL THROUGH IT ALL EVEN THOUGH I HAVE HAD WEAK MOMENTS!

The funny thing about things having taken as long as they have is that John and I both have a greater understanding of what exactly we do want--things that seemed so important 1 and 2 years ago no longer matter. Our family size has shrunk so we don't need as much space as we thought and living with some features that we thought we would just love has turned out for me to be things I really could live without ( like hauling laundry up and down stairs--ugh!!).

God has been so faithful to listen to me whine and complain about this and that and of course He has also had some times in which HE needed to remind me that my place in life is to grow where I'm planted which was not what I really wanted to do a lot of the time. Through all of this I have mastered the art of appreciation in ways I never had before and so I would gladly go through all of the past again just to have that valuable lesson learned.

We have a short list of about 7 houses to go see --so far none stood out as something we were head over heals about but I think that is because we have come to value the love that goes into making a house a home and not just the outside structure. I really believe with all my heart I can be happy with whatever house we do end of buying ( even if I have to spend the next 16 years hauling laundry upstairs-lol!!).I'm ready to bloom where God wants us planted and enjoy the growing season.

They want the HOUSE!!!!

2009-11-02T14:08:00.003-06:00

Praise GOD the very thing that I prayed for is coming to pass!!! We have new people who WANT THE WAGONER HOUSE!!!! In fact they wanted it so much they kept calling and calling trying to get us to just lease it out but when we said we wanted to sell it out right they went and found a way to buy it!!!! We did let them 'rent it' while the paperwork goes through and all but fully expect to have it in their name ASAP!!!

I prayed God would send a woman who would love that house and want it so much she was giddy with joy and that is exactly what she is. The husband and wife are beside themself that they have this house and it is EXACTLY what they were praying for!!!!

So glad and thankful that my GOD has never forgotten me and is always abounding toward me with good things!! IT is He who gets the glory of that house ( and His kingdom that will receive the tithe of the sale!!)

THANK YOU LOVING FATHER FOR SENDING THE RIGHT PEOPLE AND PRAISE YOU FOR THE FAVOR THEY HAVE WITH THE CREDIT COMPANY TO COMPLETE THE TRANSACTION!!!!

Kicking myself!

2009-10-28T14:54:00.002-05:00

You know that old saying hind sight is 20/20 well it really is true! So is the trust in God's leading and ways and not mankind.How I wish I could turn back the hands of time and undo some decisions I made in my life but there really is nothing you can do but repent and press forward....'forgetting the things of the past and press in to the prize of high calling" that comes from serving God with all your heart mind body and soul.

Over a year ago when my faith was weak and my body doing some "freaky" things I ran to the doctor seeking answers. I was given medicine that would stop all the troubles while I worked on losing weight but it didn't happen like the doctor said it would. Instead I felt worse and then my body got worse. The sad thing was that I felt at the time He gave me the meds I shouldn't take them but work on the weight issue but FEAR from the "attacks" I was having out weighed my faith and I took the meds thinking I would just go off them when everything got better.

And now here it is over 14 months later and I"m not only better but clearly see my lack of faith over myself and how I have allowed fear to rob me of my faith. With the doctors permission I'm trying to get off the meds but it's proving far harder than I ever imagined--my body is reacting in not so fun ways and I'm having to use every once of faith I have to not let fear of what the withdrawal symptoms are doing to me take over. Some of the withdrawals are worse than anything I had before I ever took the meds!!!! I'm going to be taking it one day at a time and trust in the Lord with all my heart,mind, body and soul.

The good news is that my blood pressure has come down with the twenty pounds I have lost so I don't need this BP med any more...... I just need to get through the beta blocker withdrawals which are brutal at times.

I'm so looking forward to being 'myself' again!!!

Flying the coupe!

2009-10-16T10:25:00.002-05:00

The time has come for our youngest daughter to spread her wings and fly. Annie got her own apartment this week and moved. It's been VERY hard on this over protective Mom to let her go even though I have done it three times before. You know the day you hold your precious kids in your arms they are only yours for a while but that "DAY" of letting them go seems so far in the future that you never think about it. I should have been better prepared but I wasn't ,even though she had this place on hold now for a full month I guess I had this tiny bit of hope that she would change her mind and decide to say a little longer.

I have spent the last three days watching her excitement and holding back my tears and trying not to let on what I have been feeling, after all every girl just wants to be excited about their first place and not have her mom rain on her parade. BUT MAN IS IT HARD!!!! I haven't been sleeping, food doesn't taste right and my nerves are on edge!! Then this morning the light bulb goes off and I realize the reason I have been struggling is I haven't turned HER OVER TO GOD--after all she really is his daughter before she is mine. So this morning that is what I"m doing!! Praying crying and giving her back, reaching out to that new phase in her live that means I'm not as needed as I use to be.

I'm going to try and find the blessing in being the ONLY FEMALE in the family. FInd the joy in ONLY having two kids at home--which is so weird it isn't even funny....... Embrace the fact that the only kids I will be cleaning up is the ones that are still little enough to need to be cleaned up after and not big enough to know better.

I went to Annies new place yesterday and she was excited to show it off--it's just a tiny little apartment but she is so proud of it. Colton wants to come spend the night with her and of course her Daddy is thinking that is a good idea--lol!!! We were teasing the boys that she was moving to the moon as I don't expect her to come home for visits anytime soon ( at least not till the money runs out and her food is gone--lol!!), so now her place is nick named "THE MOON" and the boys can be heard saying " I'm going to visit the moon today!". We pray her journey at the moon is filled with joy, peace, prosperity, and great health and for this mom a little tiny bit of longing to come see the HOME BASE every now and then!!

So for my youngest daughter let me say....... MAY THE LIGHT OF YOUR UPBRINGING SHINE BRIGHT AS YOU SET YOUR FEET UNTO THE PATH GOD HAS FOR YOU--MAY YOUR HEART BE FILLED WITH JOY AND HAPPINESS--MAY ALL YOUR DREAMS COME TRUE---AND MAY YOU NEVER FORGET YOUR MOM LOVES YOU AND IS PROUD AND THANKFUL GOD CHOOSE YOU TO BE HER DAUGHTER!!!!!

Being to frugal

2009-09-28T09:45:00.002-05:00

Ok I never thought I'd be the one to admit this but there are times in life when you can be to frugal!! Most of the time I'm a firm believer that name brands are NOT better than off brands and I had a really great time putting a certain brother in law in his place once with my "generic frito chill pie"--lol!! He was such a snob at the time and we were a very young, married with kids struggling family. Listening to him go on and on about how he would NEVER buy generic labeled food and that there is a HUGE difference in taste and quality of generics over name brand, and how buying his clothes at the mall guaranteed his were of better quality than those at the discount stores, left me with the need to show him otherwise. So I made a local favorite for our region better known as "Frito chili pie" I used the cheapest of meat, generic season packets, generic corn ships and generic cheese all of which I took out of the bright yellow labeled bags so they couldn't be identified as generic, and had him over for dinner. It had been years since he had had this and he ate 3 bowls full and went on and on about how good it was---all the time I laughed my head off as he polished off the last of it. Then me being me I gleefully informed him he had just eaten generic food and showed him the bags--lol!! It was the best fun I'd had in a while at the time and I will always remember the look on his face as he enjoyed his humble pie--lol!!!!

So the frugal streak in me continues to this day but this time the joke is on me!! I have a dry eye condition along with some other things going on in my eye and the specialist recommended these eye drops that you can only purchase through an eye care professional. I bought one box to the tune of $22 for 30 vials which only last about three weeks if I use them as much as the doctor wants me to and thought they were great and did notice a big difference in the comfort of my eyes. But at $22 a box and needing to use more than one box a month I thought I surely could find something over the counter that was a thick and cushioning as these were. I went to the discount store and found a box of THICK eye drops for severe dry eyes that where only $12 for a box of 30 vials. I was gleeful as I left thinking I was saving a huge amount per month and went home to try them out. This box advertised all the same comforts and benefits of my "doctor recommended eye drops" and even included the caution that they would make your vision blurry when you first place them in our eyes because they are so thick. I figured they would be the exact same as the expensive ones but one drop in and there was a difference!!! The cheap drops are like putting in liquid silicon and the blurriness lasted several minutes not 30-40 seconds like the doctor drops. After about 10 minutes the comfort these drops provided wore off and my eyes HURT and BURNED---it's 15 hours later and they still feel uncomfortable!! It feels like a layer of something was placed on my eyes and then someone SCRAPED it off---ugh!!!

I'm stuck at the house with my two boys and grandson, I'm out of the good eye drops and no way of running to the eye specialist to purchase some more until late afternoon. I have learned my lesson to listen to the doctor and do what he wants and not worry about the money!! Sometimes it's well worth the extra few dollars!! I only hope that I didn't make the eye condition worse by using the cheap stuff. Lesson learned!! I humbly repent for thinking I knew better than the man that spent YEARS becoming a specialist.

But I think we will have cheap chili pie tonight for dinner just to remind me that sometimes fugal is just as good--lol!!

Forever a parent/Daddy the Hero!

2009-09-23T09:56:00.003-05:00

When I was little I had this image of me growing up becoming and adult getting married and leading my own live independent of my parents--after all I was going to be the "grown up" Well for the most part that statement is true as I did grow up, became an adult and have lived independently from my parents for one little tiny part. That is the part in which I still need advice whether asked for or not--lol!! and most of all those little things like help with the kids, coming when I'm sick, taking me to the doctor when I couldn't drive myself and things like that.

When John and I became parents for the first time I realized in a very big way that I was NEVER going to stop being this babies mom---that even though my role in his life may change I was always going to be mom. Our role in the life of our four grown up kids have changed, after all they don't need me telling which socks match the outfit they are wearing or need me nagging at them to brush their teeth before bed but they still very much need us.

Last night John's cell phone rang at 2:30 in the morning--it was our son in love calling to say he just got off the phone with our daughter and she was home scared to death. Since he works the midnight shift there was nothing he could do for her, so her Daddy calls to see what the matter is. She doesn't answer which is unnerving to say the least so I call her." A" answers in a hysterical panic to the point that I think she is hyperventilating. I finally get out of her that she heard sirens and then the police telling someone to get out of the car and she thinks they are right in front of her house. now this might not sound so scary to the average person but she has never lived in the city and had to deal with being home alone with the thought of someone getting arrested right outside your window---with all the stories on TV about people running from the law and breaking into peoples homes it has her scared to be alone. She has made huge strides in this during the past year because she had a baby and now had someone at the house with her but just let her think someone could be milling around her house and the tears of fear start falling.

The funny thing is this is not the child that was afraid of the dark growing up nor is this the child that was very clingy as a young child. THIS IS OUR VERY STUBBORN and VERY INDEPENDENT child. The one that NEVER NEEDED HELP,NEVER ACCEPTED HELP and HAD TO DO THINGS FOR HERSELF ALL THE TIME!!! She was the one that made us pull our hair out at the end of the day because of her independence and stubbornness. At the same time she was also our child that had the most compassion for people and would bend over backwards to help someone else in need.

So when I talked to her and could hear the fear in her voice I knew she wasn't going to get over this with just a phone call. Then she asked if we could come get her and I knew she needed us to be "Mommy and Daddy" just one more time. Her dear Daddy who is still recovering from a hernia repair, not moving around all that well and still having a lot of pain laid there for about two minutes trying to see if she would calm down but then jumped out of bed,got dressed and drove to her house to "rescue" her and the baby and bring her back to our home where she could feel safe and secure. It seems "daddies" little girl is always going to be "daddies" little girl no matter how old she gets or how many kids she has for herself. And most of all Mom and Dad's house is always open for when they need that little bit of security that they had when they were a child and being with mom and dad made all things better.

Oh and I think this year for Christmas we are going to give out GERMAN SHEPHERDS--lol!! after all we old people need our sleep--lol!!

There is a brain!!

2009-09-09T09:54:00.002-05:00

The ENT's office called to say--YOU REALLY DO HAVE A BRAIN and it looks good--lol!! What a relief! I was hoping they would say that i had an exceptional brain and that my hubby should listen to me more but I'll take a good looking brain--lol!!

I had an MRI done 10 days ago to help rule out things for why I'm still having some dizzy unstableness. The doctor was confident that the scan would be clear but we needed to do it anyway as they had to rule out tumors on the brain. I have been praying that the doctor would get clear results from any and all test run and that we would get to the bottom of this so I can get on with the abundant life God has for me. So far there are no tumors, no ear infection, no fluid behind the ears but also no relief from that disconnected unstable balance I have been feeling now for over 7 weeks.

The good news is I'm getting better and better every day. I have actually driven the car a few times with another person with me which a HUGE improvement and I can make it through the store to buy groceries without having to sit down or leave because it feels like I'm fainting. I still have yet to go shopping alone but I"m working on it ( so watch out honey 'cause once I can manage around those stores on my own I plan on making up for lost time--lol!!) . The new computer with the LED screen has cut down on the eye disturbance and in turn cut the dizziness, this has allowed me to venture out of the house and walk without holding on to someone. The kids and I have made it through the zoo twice and can go do fun play dates once again!!! You never realize all that you take for granted until you no longer are able to do something.

The one thing I have been forever grateful is that GOD AND HIS WORD NEVER CHANGES I am still the healed no matter what outward symptoms try to hang on and disrupt me!

Vacation on the fly

2009-09-08T09:34:00.003-05:00

Friday morning John called to say PACK THE BAGS HONEY WE ARE OUT OF HERE!!!-lol!! He has been wanting to go to Branson where his sister lives for some time now and the work stress was at it's all time high so a break was in order. All I could think when he first called was how often God wants us to be instant in season and out so I put aside my feelings about leaving town on a holiday weekend and heading to the vacation mecca for the tristate area and packed the bags.

To be truthful I DID NOT WANT TO GO--I have been feeling "off" in my physical body for so long and I'm having some inner ear disturbance, so the thought of going on all those windy, hilly,curves was not my idea of a great vacation but I knew how much John needed to get away so I put on my happy face and sucked it up. Life isn't supposed to be "all about me" but more about what can I do for others. I so wanted to say "what are you thinking man!! I can't even walk for more than a quarter mile without feeling like I'll fall down and you want to go to the "walking capital of the world" not to mention car sickness that has developed over the last few months and being stuck in bumper to bumper traffic." But it really isn't all about me.

We made it out the door before noon and pulled into my sister-in-loves house by three. She had moved into this house over 2 years ago and wanted us to come visit and see it but we just never had the money or time to get up there. I love my sister-in-love to pieces as we have a great relationship to the point that most people think we are the ones related as sisters and not John and her-lol!! Because she lives in Branson she can get tickets to shows and events at discounts-we are TALKING HUGE discounts--lol!! The only trouble was they don't sell tickets to locals until 30 minutes before the shows so there is a chance you won't get any--and on a holiday weekend it was darn near impossible--lol!! We made it to the chinese acrobats but left without taking any pictures of the boys with the performers! I cant believe this was our first real vacation with the boys and I didn't get a single picture of it at all--just goes to show that being an older mother sometimes means you FORGET things--lol!!! I did manage to do a little bit of shopping despite the fact that I felt sick and dizzy the whole time. John took the boys with our brother in law to the fish hatchery and they had a wonderful time and later that evening he and Pete went fishing which was the refreshing fun filled time John was seeking in the first place. I ate some shrimp on sunday lunch that didn't agree with me at all and showed how much it didn't agree with me while at an outlet mall--ugh!! My sister in love was a good sport about it though and we would run to a store take a quick peek inside and see if there was anything we wanted than go to the next restroom visit--we repeated this for about an hour when I discovered I had some pepto in my purse and after I took it and felt like it had kicked in we headed back to her house( there was no way I was leaving a working toilet to sit in bumper to bumper traffic without some relief.) of course we had a great laugh about all the "possible" hillbilly toilets we could fashion along the way home--lol!!! It really is wonderful to have someone who shares your since of humor when in a time of distress.

While John was out fishing on sunday evening I sent him a text and asked if we could go home when he got back even though they weren't coming home till after 10. He surprised me with saying YES!!!! So at 11:10 in the evening we loaded up the car and headed home!! Even though we got home at 2 .Am. I was so excited to be back home I had a hard time falling asleep--lol!!

Colton and Braden had a wonderful time playing with Uncle Pete and they held up well with all the car trips to the strip with the promise of going to the 'cowboy' show that we never got to see because it kept selling out before the "local" ticket time came around. Since Colton doesn't always pronounce words correctly we all got a kick out of him calling Uncle Pete -- Uncle PEE !!! Everyone waiting on the outside porch at Olive Garden let out a chuckle when he would run around saying Uncle PEE Uncle PEE!!!--lol!! We visited Janice and Pete's church on Sunday morning and the boys walked right in to the classroom like they owned the place -- this was the first time they had ever visited a different church and I was worried how they would do( the teacher didn't look to frazzled when we picked them up so I assume they did OK--lol!!)

After we got home my dear hubby admitted that the windy roads were "getting to him" and since he didn't have an inner ear issue it must have been "not fun" for me( AAAH YA THINK DEAR!!!!), he was glad when I texted him and asked if we could go home early and not wait till morning. All the way home I kept thanking him for taking me home and not making me wait till morning when all the vacation traffic heading home would be bumper to bumper.

Our vacation on the fly wasn't as fabulous as we had wanted but it meant the world to John for me to be willing to GO as he needed the break and it meant the world to me that he was willing to LEAVE when I felt like I couldn't take traveling home in heaving traffic with intestinal distress.

Next time we will plan things better when we are BOTH feeling great and there isn't a holiday that weekend!!

An apple a day.......

2009-09-03T14:01:00.002-05:00

WOO HOOO!!!!! I finally got an apple computer!!!! I'm so excited as I have wanted one for so many years and now my prayers have been answered!!

John and I were planning on getting a new computer for me after we moved as mine was a little over the hill and slightly running a bit faster than a turtle on a hot summers day--lol!! After a visit to the specialist John decided it would be best to go ahead and get it now. We are finally getting some answers to all the dizziness I have been having and I'll share the details once all the test are completed ( it will be another month till they are all in so don't expect it soon-lol!!), But in the mean time the doctor said that the old computer screens and tv's have a scrolling line that my eyes are picking up on and that is part of what is keeping me so unbalanced. That meant a new computer screen was in order and since I had been LUSTING over the iMAC at Best Buy for months now my wonderful hubby surprised me with getting it for me.

So this is my very first post on my dream computer!! It might take me a few weeks or months( or years to be honest--lol!!!) to figure it all out but I'm thrilled. The greatest blessing of all is that after having had such a hard financial year last year that we had the money to pay CASH for the computer. God's word has been working in all areas of our life and we are seeing the fruits of hard work and obedience coming in on every wave!!!!

I never dreamed last summer I would be at the place were we are at right now and so I owe God all the glory for what He has blessed us with. So THANK YOU FATHER FOR WHAT YOU HAVE DONE AND ARE CONTINUING TO DO!!!

Now I'm off to "play" with my new toy some more-lol!!

Blessings from above!

2009-08-19T09:28:00.002-05:00

We are going to be grandparents AGAIN!!!!! Our daughter called to say that she and Daniel will be having baby number 2 sometime in the spring. I have always wanted a late spring baby and look forward to welcoming our newest little bundle of joy. Of course this means Nanna will have a new little one to watch when Ashton goes to work but I love babies so bring them on--lol!!

Last year when all our adult kids where having babies we were at a serious dry spell in our finances and so having grandbabies was fun but I couldn't spend any money--this time around I plan on making up for that--lol!!! Watch out Honey 'cause I'm so going shopping--lol!!!

Children are the greatest gift from God and the only one that you can return back to Him by training them to serve Him with all their heart and soul.There is beauty in receiving a gift from heaven and turning around and dedicating that gift right back to Him. It is such a privilege to be a parent no matter how your kids come to you ( birth, adoption, marriage, or foster parenting)and one I look forward to doing over and over again!

When you least expect it....

2009-08-03T09:56:00.003-05:00

Just when you least expect it God shows up and rocks your world in such a way you can only sit back and reflect on HIS mighty love and plans that He has for you.

For months now our church has been expecting a missionary from Australia that we support. We have known about this man for over 20 years as he was a missionary with our former church many years ago and I was looking forward to hearing from him and what they are doing in Australia. Having had surgery on Tuesday of last week and then coming down with a double ear infection I knew the "opportunity" to lay down under the symptoms of not feeling well was going to be there, but I was determined to not miss church on Sunday. By Saturday I was feeling real good from the gallbladder surgery and wasn't having much discomfort but the dizzy unbalanced feeling from the ear infection made it hard to sit upright or walk very far--still I wasn't going to miss out.So I wore slacks to church in case I needed to lay down in the chairs and brought a pillow to prop up my head. At church I found a chair in the farthest corner and sat there all by myself with my head leaned against the wall so I wouldn't feel the room spin so much--lol!! I looked like I was in time out--lol!!

I sat there and listened as the missionary told of his families obedience to go where God wanted them to go and how the journey there took longer than expected but they never gave up on what God had revealed to them. That even when they took what looked like a very different path to full fill what God had for them they persevered and were steadfast that God would bring to pass all that HE wanted for them to do. He was very real in his ability to admit he failed in many ways but didn't let that defeat stop him from dusting himself of and going forward once again, and reminded us all that we are very real and not so perfect people but God still uses us and wants the best for us. It was a good service and I was thankful I hadn't stayed in bed even though I could have easily.

At the end he asked if anyone needed prayer--but stated that if you came forward he didn't want you to tell him what you needed prayer for as he was just going to pray the prayer of faith over you and it was up to you to receive what you needed from God as he wasn't the "healer" just the vessel that God was using, and if he had a word for you he wanted it to have come from the Holy Spirit and not from what you just told him you needed. Since I was sitting there dizzy all service I thought it would be a good idea to go and let him pray the prayer of faith over me as only a fool would sit there sick when someone asked if they could pray and ask God"s healing to come. So I went forward expecting just the simple prayer of faith to be prayed over me but God had other plans and I wasn't expecting what happened next....

As soon as the missionary reached out to pray for healing he stopped and asked me three simple questions than spoke a word from God to me and quoted a scripture that I had stood on for over 13 years....God revealed the exact book, chapter, and verse through this man that had NO IDEA that I had prayed that EXACT SCRIPTURE FOR SO MANY YEARS. He looked me square in the eye and said "That is the exact word from God to stand on to bring to pass what God is wanting done in your life" I was speechless and trembling with tears as I hadn't expected God to have anything to say to me--I thought I was just there to be prayed for because my ears were infected.

What this man from half way around the world said confirmed these dreams and visions that I had been having for the past three months.God knows the plans He has for you and he can bring someone from clear across the world just to remind you that He isn't done with you just yet!! For the past three months every time I have dreamed this dream I have woken up and thought that it was so weird to be dreaming this dream once again since I thought God had already full filled that dream in another manner,but God isn't done with me and John yet. I have no idea how this will come to pass and quite frankly it isn't up to me to make it happen it's just my part to be willing to receive what God has planned. On the way home from church I told John that I had gone up to be prayed for and God said something that I wasn't sure he wanted to hear( he was teaching the elementary that morning and wasn't out there), but he said he always wanted to know what God spoke to me and so I shared with him. I was very surprised at how willing he was to receive this word and some day in the near future we hope we will be able to share the exact word and the fulfillment of that word in our life.

until then know that GOD ISN'T DONE WITH YOU and the things HE PROMISED YOU ONCE HE WILL DELIVER--HIS TIMING MAY NOT BE YOUR TIMING BUT HE IS NEVER LATE!!

I'm Home!

2009-07-29T10:43:00.002-05:00

Here is a copy of an email I sent out yesterday after I got home with a few updates about today.

Today I'm surprised about how much swelling I have--lol!! Having never had surgery before I didn't think my belly would swell so much which means I'm lounging around in my pj's for today.

I pulled a muscle getting in my bed last night so I have more pain than I should and may sleep on the couch tonight if it doesn't start feeling better soon.

The staff at the hospital was wonderful except I thought they really shoved you out the door pretty darn quick after surgery. I woke up at 2:05 from surgery and was heading out the door by 3, but being home was great and I could tell John was ready to get out of there-lol!!

The highlights--surgery was delayed because of other surgeries going on and I didn't go back until almost 1. we had cable in the room so we watched the deadliest catch which is one of our favorite shows so waiting wasn't bad but I was STARVING FOR KING CRAB BY THE TIME I LEFT--lol!!!

The gallbladder was inflamed, very diseased and not functioning, there where adhesion's attached to it with scar tissue and the surgeon said "other things" in the area was attached to it that shouldn't have been--don't know what that means but he said it REALLY REALLY was good we took it out. I'm having some pain but it's bearable--the dry mouth is bothering me though. Getting comfortable is hard but something I'm sure will pass soon.

Alisha and Baylee will spend the night so someone is here first thing in the morning with me--Annie has to go babysit over night so she won't be here.

Who knew chicken broth tasted so good--lol!!
Thank you for the prayers and I'll let you know if I need anything

Nesting.....

2009-07-27T13:33:00.002-05:00

Not sure if it's pre-surgery jitters or feeling sympathy for a friend as she waits these final days/minutes/seconds until her travel call to say their son is ready to come home but either way my house is as clean as it gets--lol!!!

My hubby should be pleased when he arrives home to find that every stitch of laundry we own is cleaned and neatly folded and in it's proper place---that proves there are still miracles being done today-lol!! I so hate doing laundry, I'd much rather wash dishes or scrub toilets than sort and fold and put away the laundry. I think it stems from my childhood days when each of us three kids had to take turns doing the laundry.Back then my mom only did it on Saturday and we somehow always had about 13 loads on my weekend to do it. I think my brother and sister changed their clothes about every 3 hours on the weeks they knew it wasn't their turn and I got stuck staying in the house all day long sorting,washing and drying then folding,ironing( yes my mother made us iron the clothes right then and there!) and putting away everyone's stuff. It really is a wonder I didn't grow up to live in a nudest colony after that--lol!! So if you ever stop by and see 2 or 3 loads of laundry just sitting there waiting to be folded you'll know why.

I'm hoping to take the boys to the free splash park here in town after nap time and then it's back home to eat and go watch my hubby and daughters and sons-in-laws play softball. Anything to keep my mind busy today. I'm not really nervous about surgery or any pain afterwards as my surgeon promises I will not be feeling all that bad,I"m just not looking forward to being forced to take it easy and not do the things I normally do for my kids and husband. I won't be babysitting my grandkids this week and I have a feeling I'm really going to miss them. Since moving back to town we have not hardly had a day when one or more of the adult kids have been over spending the entire evening with us--our house is usually a zoo around dinner time with anywhere from just us 5 to over 11 people or more all squeezing around the dinner table. So not having them around will be a little sad and a lot of quite!!!

My mom is coming up to the hospital to "sit" with John so say a prayer for him--lol!! She is a talker and he is not and he isn't looking forward to making small talk for so long without me there to rescue him--lol!! I think he may be the one that needs the pain meds tomorrow afternoon and not me-lol!

I'll let everyone know how I am as soon as possible. John and I are believing that this will resolve all the problems that have been going on including the heart palpitations and both of us are looking forward to me returning to my perkier active self soon!!!

Surgery and God's peace!

2009-07-22T10:49:00.002-05:00

Well the test results are back and my gallbladder needs to come out. It is functioning at only 30% and after speaking with the surgeon he feels it will only get worse and cause major health issues if left in there. When my gastro doctor called to give me the results I was so relieved, which may sound as though I lacked faith but the truth is I have been asking God for CLEAR results that would give answers to all the symptoms I have been dealing with for this past year.

Finding out my gallbladder was toast was indeed an answered prayer. I would like to say I have the mountain moving faith at this moment to just stand on the word of God and believe that the gallbladder would be healed and begin to function in perfect harmony with the rest of my body but the truth is my faith is stretched from all the sickness and issues that this past year has dealt me. So in examining my faith I know that I know allowing the surgeon to be "God's hands" in bringing health back to me is the right thing. On Tuesday of next week I will be having out patient surgery to remove the diseased gallbladder.

The surgeon who will be doing this was the most tenderhearted and compassionate doctor John and I have ever meet. John was thrilled with how detailed of an exam he did as he left no stone unturned in trying to help us determine what was the best course of action to take. My gastro doctor was leaning more towards not removing it at this time because I'm also experiencing some muscular pain in the area of my gallbladder and he didn't want us to think this would be a "cure all" for all that is going on. We could have tried to do a special diet and worked on the muscular issue first and wanted the surgeon to do a very good exam to determine if there was more gallbladder issue verses muscular issues before we decided on surgery. So John and I prayed before the exam with the surgeon that it would be clear which issue was causing the symptoms and that we would have a clear answer and God provided the answer to that prayer. Up until the surgeon visit I wasn't having much peace about what we should do or not do, but as soon as we walked in the door of the surgeons office I knew God was going to give me clear directions and so I'm THANKFUL FOR ANSWERED PRAYERS!!!

While I am a little nervous about next Tuesday it's not because of the actual surgery as I know I'm in good hands with the surgeon. I'm actually a little nervous about being away from the boys and allowing someone else to care for them for the whole day-lol!! It seems I'm quite the over protective mother these days and am experiencing some separation anxiety at the thought of being out of it for a whole day. I have no idea what I'll do next year when they go off to kindergarten but I think I better start praying and preparing myself for that now!!! So if you think about me this week and next say a prayer for peace and comfort for me and for my boys. I won't be able to pick them up for a few days or weeks until the surgery sites are healed so we will have to adapted as I still pick them up and carry them around every now and then. ( if you are thinking they sound a little spoiled to be picked up and carried at the age of four you're right but since they are my kids I don't really care what anyone thinks--lol!!)

I have other results form test done this past week but those are for another day as I'm still trying to wrap my brain and heart around some of them and figure out where exactly I stand......... The one thing I know with every fiber of my being is that THE NAME OF JESUS IS ABOVE ALL NAMES and NOTHING IS IMPOSSIBLE WITH GOD!

Test update

2009-07-11T11:41:00.002-05:00

No results yet but I want to thank anyone that took the time to pray for me during the testing process. I really felt the peace of God and know that it was not just my faith getting me through.

The good news is that I SURVIVED the HIDA scan of my gallbladder--lol!!! I am highly claustrophobic and the thought of being inside a machine with no way out was causing me a bit of anxiety to say the least. I had this test over 10 years ago and the machine used back then to pick up the nuclear medicine they inject into you reminded me of a COFFIN! I had to lay on a table after they put this dye in me and they pulled this huge HEAVY camera over my whole body and took pictures for so many minutes---well it seams that technology has come a long way in 10 years and the new machine is much different than what I remember--also the test took 2 full hours and I don't remember it being that long back in the 90's. Thankfully the camera used in today's time only covers you from the neck to thigh area and you are on a padded bed with a pillow and blanket, but they still pull it down to about 2 inches off your body so you feel this huge presence of something on top of you for the two hours. The best thing of all was that JOHN was allowed to be in there with me the whole time!!! The camera is not an x-ray so no radiation( other than what they pumped into my veins-lol!!).

They put the special nuclear dye in me and pulled the machine down then went and got John to sit next to me.Unfortunately I looked up before he got there and saw this "thing" at my chin level and was having a cow when he arrived-lol!! I truly have the best husband in the world as he stood at my side and held my hand and rubbed my arm until the panic attack left. A nurse walked by and saw him standing bent over me and got the chair they provided and slipped it under him so he wouldn't have to stand the whole 2 hours---if they hadn't have come by and the panicking feeling hadn't have left he would have stood the whole two hours!!!!

I LOVE YOU HONEY AND AM SO THANKFUL YOU WERE THERE FOR ME WHEN I NEEDED IT THE MOST!!!!!!

Other than the panic of being "trapped" the test isn't that bad except you have to lay perfectly still for 2 hours. Now being the mother of 2 very active 4 year olds the chance to lay down for two hours wasn't have bad--lol!!!! And the bonus of having my wonderful hubby there holding my hand and making small talk turned out to be a restful morning and a simi good date all things considering--lol!!

After the HIDA scan I got the heart monitor put on for the next 24 hours in hopes of having one of the "big episodes" of my heart racing super fast. As it turns out always for me no matter what I do to try and produce an 'episode' into happening I always fail.There is really no rhyme or reason as to why my heart will suddenly jump up to 145-180 beats per minute at times and therefore trying to make it happen is impossible. I did have a few minor times of increased heart rate and one moderate one but the rate was not that bad, my only hope is that the moderate one will give some answers or at least warrant me wearing the monitor for a longer period of time so that we might record a major incident.

I know that it sounds like I lack faith because I'm hoping to record a major heart episode instead of posting that I'm standing on the word of God that I NEVER have another one but the truth is I have been standing on the word for over a year now and it's time I hook my faith up to the medical world to get the answers as to why my heart has these episodes. Then I will know how to apply my faith so that it never happens again. In the word it says that EVERY NAME THAT IS NAMED SHALL BOW IT"S KNEE TO THE NAME OF JESUS and I just need that exact name to what is happening to me!It could be something as simple as my hormones being out of balance or a misfiring in the heart that could be zapped so that it never misfires again. No matter what it is I'm standing on the doctors finding the EXACT cause so that we can get on with resolving the issue instead of trying to cover it up---because covering it up isn't stopping it from "breaking" through!

I have return doctor visits scheduled for the next three weeks to get the results--sounds like an eternity to wait that long but since I have been dealing with it now for over a full year a few more weeks won't be that long!

Medical test/Prayer request

2009-07-08T10:27:00.003-05:00

Tomorrow I'm going in for some medical test and I'm praying we will get clear answers to some of the issues I have been dealing with for the past year. In the past two months I have been having more and more irregular beats of my heart plus I began having some gastro issues on top of that,which has left me feeling somewhat of a failure in my faith walk.And if that wasn't bad enough I began having vertigo issues about three weeks ago---THANKFULLY we discovered that was being caused by fluid behind my ear drums so some over the counter decongestant and motion sickness medicine and I'll be back and walking upright in no time--PRAISE GOD!!!!!!

I fully believe in the power of the NAME OF JESUS and HIS shed Blood for me. I have stood on the word of God for many things and prayed and had answers given in times past so this year of medical issues has thrown me for a loop because it feels as though my faith isn't working. I know that I know that what the word says is true and that the word DOES WORK!! I'm still standing on Isaiah 53:4-5 which reads in the amplified bible:
Surely He has borne our griefs (sicknesses, weaknesses and distresses) and carried our sorrows and pains, yet we considered Him stricken, smitten, and afflicted by God. 5 But He was wounded for our transgressions. He was bruised for our guilt and iniquities: the chastisement peace and well being for us was upon Him and with the stripes (that wounded) Him we are healed and made whole
It is the word that sets me free from the pain and medical issues that are present in my body and since I have not been able to see a manifestation of that healing with just my faith alone I have decided to use every known thing under the sun to aid me. So while I feel like a failure in faith I know that God will work the miracle I need at whatever level my faith is at,which is why I'm so glad to go have these tests done!Bright and early John will be taking me to the hospital to have a scan done on my gallbladder and afterward I'm going to be hooked up to a heart monitor for 24 hours. I'm praying that if even the slightest thing is wrong with my gallbladder it will show up on the scan so my doctor and me can decide what to do from here. Also I have been having irregular heart beats off and on now for a full year but never when I'm at the doctor or if I have a really bad episode by the time I get to the hospital it is over so they have never been able to document one to know what is causing them so I'm praying I have one show up on the monitor. My doctor wants me to not take the meds that are suppose to stop this irregularities and to try and do anything possible to make an "attack" happen so we can get a good one or two on the monitor recording so I'm praying I have a real good one which wont be hard because things have gotten so bad that my heart will start racing in the middle of the night while sleeping and several times a day for no reason..

Getting the test results will be the first stage in knowing what to do and I believe with all my heart that God will direct the doctor with wisdom and understanding so that I can get on with my life!!

Moving again!

2009-07-06T13:57:00.002-05:00

I don't know if I should say UGH! or PRAISE GOD! But we are going to be moving again.
Most likely it will be in the next three months as we will have the ability to buy around the first of September.

A few weeks ago our land lady called to ask about us buying the house and at the time John was very honest and told her that because of the neighbor situation he wasn't ready to say a 100% yes to buying the house, he really wanted to see if the neighbors were going to change their opinion about having kids living next to them before we committed to a HUGE mortgage. She fully understood but told us that she really needed to sell the house even though we have a two year lease agreement and she would "make things right with us".

We will get no less than a 60 day notice to move but we have decided to start looking and not wait around till the last minute. The good news is that John thinks it will be for a PERMANENT HOUSE AND NOT A RENTAL--PRAISE GOD !!!!!! The bad news is that I'm so tired of looking at houses that I have house apathy-lol!!! I'm sorta afraid that we will just take the first thing that is sorta ok just because we are both tired of thinking about what we really want and having to hunt for it,only to wake up 6 months after moving and realise we hate the place. Not to mention that I have to once again keep a house perfect and spotless for showings with 2 four year olds running around.--UGH!!! I'm so so tired of the thought of having to scramble around to get the house ready because someone is coming over to see it.....pray for me as I need it to endure this final leg to our new home.

The realtor is coming tomorrow to take pictures which means I'm trying to run around and get things organized and decluttered ( not that there is much clutter just to much for showing a house in my opinion) but that is a little bit difficult right now as I have developed some sort of vertigo and moving around makes it worse. It's pretty darn hard to clean the toilets while laying on the couch waiting for the room to stop spin--lol!!! I"m heading to the doctor after I finish this post and hope to have a better idea about what is causing all of this and will update my medical PRAISE REPORT as I'm believing to make soon.

In the mean time this is our prayer request about the "future house" we are wanting to find and buy.
No less than 3 bedrooms
an office if it's only a 3 bedroom
upstairs game room
three car garage
open floor plan
NICE NEIGHBORS!!!!
Big back yard

We have actually had the time to re-evaluate our wants and needs for a forever house and are willing to look in some neighborhoods that we once thought we didn't want to consider so that opens up more possibilities. We are also thinking of looking at some fixer uppers as long as it's in a good neighborhood. Before John was so tired of working on our Wagoner house he wanted a move in ready one and now we are thinking of finding one in need of some TLC at a great price....but move in ready is still wonderful too--lol!!

Summer Fun!

2009-07-01T22:33:00.003-05:00

Remember the summers of your childhood when you spent all day doing things that you never let your kids do now?-lol!! It seems today that our society has forgotten how to let kids be kids, but if you give them enough time and let them be, the kids will do what comes naturally.

This afternoon we had a play date and while not everyone could stay all day some did so we let them out to play in the sprinklers just like when we were young. NO fancy splash pool, slip and slide, or anything else just water coming out of the yard sprinklers( ok I admit growing up we didn't have a sprinkler system to water the yard--heck we never watered the yard as that just made the grass grow and make us have to mow it more-lol!!) and of course when you let three boys alone in the yard with water to play till they get "caught" this is what you get.........Why is it that boys + water = head to toe mud-lol!! They had a great time and got a good mud treatment so they should all wake up with wonder smooth skin--lol!! Hope your summer is being filled with wonderful childhood memories too!

And she's off!!!

2009-06-19T15:28:00.004-05:00

This morning at 4:30 on the dot Annie flew the coop to Mexico!!!!! She is going back for her third missions trip. They arrived in Mexico City at 10 after noon and are more than likely already in some park doing their skits to help spread the word of God.

Every time she comes home from one of the trips she is ready to step out and do what God told her to do but there always seems to be a road block that comes up and derails her drive and enthusiasm.Annie has had some struggles over the past two years and has been trying to figure out what EXACTLY God has for her, she isn't happy with just heading in a direction to "see if that is what she should do" as she wants EXACT details. So when she returns she will begin a two week course to get her CNA license as she feels lead to become a nurse. For now her plans are to get the CNA certificate and than get on at one of our local hospitals and work her way through school and jobs at the hospital. I'm very proud of all she has accomplished so far and I know this time when she returns it will be different.

If you have time and think about her please lift her up in prayers for the next week. She gets home on Thursday evening and I'm sure we will be hearing an ear full of all that went on while gone. On trips past she has had a great time sharing the love of GOD to the very young children--the kind that are filthy and no one wants to hold and love--she really has a gift in talent when it comes to young children. I know that God will use her in ways she never dreamed of with this talent as it really is a gift from Him for His service.

I had a really hard time letting her go this time. After seeing her struggle and getting so ill back in December, this over protective mother doesn't want her far from me but she really isn't mine to keep, just on LOAN FROM GOD for the season of growing up and being trained in the ways she should go so that she could be given back to the Father that sent her through me in the first place,so that HIS WILL BE DONE.

No TV!!!

2009-06-09T11:01:00.002-05:00

I have a feeling that I'm not the only mom in America that is guilty of using the TV during the day as entertainment for the kids. Of course I say I'm only turning it on so I can grab a quick shower in the morning but when my shower is done it never gets turned off, and since it's on a "kids" station that claims it's programing is "educational" I justify letting my sons brains turn to mush as they spend countless hours watching mindless tv. But lately Colton and Braden have been driving me crazy with their short attention spans, disregard to the house rules, and wild running around and I realized the biggest reason is MY FAULT. In stead of giving them the attention they need and the guidance I should, I gave them the BIG BLACK BOX in the living room that stays turned on from the moment we wake up till we head to bed.

So today I woke up and decided enough is enough and there will be no more TV during the summer during the day. Since I'm a stay at home mom I have full control over the remote and plan on leaving it in the box on the mantle. I can not stop my hubby from turning the darn thing on once he gets home but I'm hoping he will see the improvement in the boys and decide that no TV is a good thing and keep the thing off until they go to bed!!

It's only 11 am in the morning and so far my boys have played more, used their imagination more, TALKED more ( which since they both have some speech issues is a HUGE thing), interactive more with each other and most of all been far more calmer and obeyed better than they have in a VERY LONG TIME!!!! The funny thing is that I too have been far more productive in my house hold chores which surprises me since I figured it won't really effect me that much because it was always "kid" shows blaring in the house.

I know that the greatest impact is that I will have to give MORE OF ME to the boys by correcting them when they do things that are wrong instead of ignoring them and letting go back to watching TV like I use to. It also means that when they get tired and are cranky instead of putting in a movie to let them vegetate I will actually have to teach them to calm down and give them skills for coping other than mindless watching of the tv--so my "work" as mom will increase but the truth is that is my job anyway!! I am the one that let the TV do my parenting and it is very evident in the behaviors of my kids so it's my job to undue those effects and put into them what they need to be a success in life.

I am loving the peaceful sound that the house has today!! I have found that since I"m getting old I don't tolerate background noise like I use to. All those years I longed to be a parent again and wanted the sound of kids in the house had been drowned out with the noise of the TV, now I'm fully enjoying the sounds of my sons as they play imaginary things--they really do have a great imagination and it's so cute to hear them "pretend" to be deep sea fishermen or wild animals in the jungle. The sounds of their laughter is so much better than the sound of "qubo" blaring in the background!

I hope I have the strength to keep it up as it really is so easy to turn on that darn TV when you need a few minutes of peace and quite!! It won't be easy putting back into my boys all that I should have been putting into them all along but in the end having well behaved kids that can sit still for more than two minutes will be worth all the effort! Anyone else out there ready to take the NO TV PLUNGE? I'd love to hear it if you are and willing to lend support during those trying moments when you want to go back to letting the TV keep your kids quite and entertained so you can have a few moments of peace.

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR-----PART3 THE STORM!

2009-06-03T10:36:00.002-05:00

Sorry to keep the third part from everyone for so long but I was waiting till the investigation was over. If you're wondering what INVESTIGATION it was done by DHS. It seems one of my neighbors had turned me in for "running an illegal daycare"!!!

On May 14th while finishing cleaning up and getting ready for a play date with another Mom and her kids I got a knock at the door. I thought it was Mary arriving but it was a man who introduced himself as "J" (name not revealed by me!) and he flashed a DHS badge that made my heart sink. Having been a foster mom I told myself not to panic and slam the door on him but that is what I wanted to do--lol!! He said he was here to investigate if I was running an illegal daycare and that he was with the licence department for daycare with DHS--(whew I thought it was child protective service!!).

As soon as I opened the door Colton and Braden both ran out as they were expecting their friends and I had to grab them and drag them back in. "J" took one look at the "asian kids" and asked if they were mine which I SAID YES THEY ARE!!!! We ADOPTED THEM FROM SOUTH KOREA. As soon as I said that the look on "J"'s face changed and he knew he was here on a false report. I invited him in which I think shocked him as most DHS people are not welcomed with open arms but since I had a relationship with DHS as a foster mom I knew the more helpful you are the better it is for you. I also let him know about how UNFRIENDLY this neighborhood was towards children and how I have one neighbor in particular that stands in her driveway when I have the boys outside playing with her hands on her hips and a very angry look on her face,plus she drives by slowly and gives me dirty looks anytime we are outside. I then told him about how I watch my grand babies all the time and that we have been having many play dates lately with different kids and right on that cue my friend Mary arrived with her two kids for our play date--lol!!!

"J" asked my friend if she was here for a play date and she said YES and that made "J" chuckle a little as he knew he was out on a false report but still had to follow through. I had to give out the names of all the kids that come over so he could "follow up" and I let him know we had been watching one little boy off and one while his mother prepared for surgery and would be keep him once she did have surgery and "J" let me know that was all OK and not a problem. In fact in the state of Oklahoma you can watch any child you want for up to 15 hours a week and not need a licence and you are allowed to watch your grand kids or relative kids for however long and NEVER NEED A LICENCE for that .

I told "J" that I had been thinking of doing a daycare or going back to foster care as I have been trying to figure out a way to bring in extra income and be a blessing to someone at the same time. "J" was very helpful in answering my questions as the DHS website is not always the best user friendly site for explaining some of the rules. He even laughed a little about how the neighbors would really love me if I would do that--lol!! He left a packet of info for me to look at and I have been praying about it and trying to figure out what God would have me do but haven't had peace about any of the things I have come up with on my own. ( I think God has some things in our future that I should be available to do or ready to "go" and so that is why I never have peace when I think of "tying" myself down to a job).

So yesterday all the parents who I turned in as regular play date kids got the call from DHS and confirmed everything I had said. I expect to get the report soon that will clear me of any" illegal acts of child care". The day of the investigation at my house I was pretty much numb by the whole thing but by night I was outraged which lead to me seeking out the word of God about loving thy neighbor.

I will admit that if I could have called down hell,fire and brimstone on the neighbors that first night I would have!!! After all I am a human being subject to failure and very carnal at times, so I spent most of that night laying there wide awake and praying. It was in the early morning hours that I realised all those times I had prayed to GOD to move us from Wagoner and into a neighborhood so we could be a "beacon of light" to the neighbors that God had just the place He needed us to be at. This wasn't what I thought when I was praying to move but clearly this is a "dark neighborhood" and God's light needs to shine in it. I will be faithful to be a light of love and compassion to the neighbors and pray daily to have the strength to do so. But I'm also doing everything possible to protect my kids as John and I have started keeping a photo log of all the things that break the rules of the HOA by the people that do not have kids( in this neighborhood there are only three families with kids including us and one family just put their home on the market!) If we are continued to be hassled we will contact a lawyer and file suit against the HOA for violating the fair housing act. IT states it not only is illegal to discriminate against selling or renting to people with kids but is also illegal to make it unbearable for some one with kids to live somewhere. Jesus never took the injustices of His day and age in stride but clearly addressed them head on even showing anger at times by the things being done and openly rebuked people. He didn't just "turn the other cheek" and continue to allow things to happen, He called people on the carpet about their own hypocrisy and we will to if needed.

I never would have dreamed that someone would be so low as to call DHS just to hassle someone else but really nothing in this life should surprise anyone. It is shocking and unnerving to think what our neighbors would do to try to get rid of us but we will not be driven out. I do NOT THINK FOR ONE MOMENT THAT GOD IS TRYING TO TEACH US A LESSON ON WALKING IN LOVE so let me make that clear!!! I do believe that Satan is trying hard to steal this blessing of this house from us. To many times christians blame GOD for the wrong things going on in their life saying He is "teaching me a lesson" but I serve a LOVING KIND FATHER and He would never do someting awful to me to teach me to be strong,just I would never do anything awful to my kids to teach them a lesson. John 10:10 states clearly--¹⁰ The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly. Satan is the thief trying to steal our joy over this house and place that God provided for us!! God needs us here right at this time to shine HIS love and light to those that have either forgotten what love is or have never really known the love of God. An abundant life if not one that is filled with treasures for just me and blessing for just me but one that is full of blessings and treasures that I might have more than enough to give to others also!!

Please pray for us as we walk out this part of our life--standing strong in the midst of a storm is not always easy but being faithful to what God needs you to do comes with a blessing that may not be revealed at first and once it is will be so good we will look back and say I'm glad we endured!

LOVE THY NEIGHBOR-----PART 2

2009-05-20T07:58:00.003-05:00

In Oklahoma weather terms our reception into this new neighborhood was a typical warm front followed by a blustery cold front which was followed by a storm that popped out of no where!!

Since we moved in back in February we had not spent to much time out front with the boys. Two days into our living here we got a knock on the door from the "gate keeper" welcoming us to the neighborhood, he brought with him the quarterly newspaper that he writes for the neighborhood and a copy of the HOA covenants. We asked him about the "extra parking" in our cull de sac and if it would be a problem for our daughter Annie to park there so we didn't have to shuffle cars when we wanted to go somewhere and he told us that there are a "few" people that might want to complain about it since it was suppose to be for guest parking only but to not let that bother us. The gate keeper also went on to say that the rules are for no on street parking but that his house was so far away from the guest parking that he was never going to make any of his guest park in it and have to walk all the way back to his house then he laughed and made a comment about some people are just to much of a "stuff shirt" person but he was glad to have us in the neighborhood and stop in at his house anytime if we needed anything.

John and I chuckled about some of the rules and couldn't wait till we looked over the HOA packet just to see what all was in it. That of course is when it became clear just how much this neighborhood DIDN'T want kids in it as they had rules like:

No kids toys or things in the front yard, No swing sets, play gyms, playhouses above 6 feet in the back yard allowed,( when was the last time you saw a swing set under 6 feet tall-lol!!) no trampolines, no basketball goals allowed, no above ground pools--any in ground pool had to be approved by the architectual committee
No obnoxious noise that would be deemed as disruptive to the neighborhood and the neighborhood gets to determine what is obnoxious!(this of course means the "neighborhood can say that children playing loudly is obnoxious and disruptive")

So we laughed about it and went about our life letting Annie park in the guest parking and making sure she parked in our driveway whenever any neighbor was having a party or friends over--which NEVER HAPPENED DURING THE FIRST TWO MONTHS WE WERE HERE and no complaints by anyone.

The neighbor to the right of us would smile and wave when we saw him out but we never saw his wife, we walked the boys to the pond one night and met another neighbor across the street and they smiled and loved meeting the boys so we felt like we had been given a warm welcome considering this was a non child neighborhood. Of course the weather was always hot then cold then rainy so the boys didn't play out front and we didn't have much contact with the neighbors during the early spring until mid to late April when a clear "cold front was about to be unleashed on us!"

It started shortly after the weather got good enough for us to play outside. There was a house that always had an older man sitting outside talking to one of the neighbors next door to me and they would wave when I left and I waved and smiled back all the time but that stopped suddenly after I let the boys ride their bikes outside in the cul de sac and he noticed them. Once when taking the boys for a walk around the pond we stopped to watch the dogs playing in the back yard of people that live in the "green house" as their back yard backs to the trail that goes around the pond and the lady of the house came out and shot us a dirty look and took her dogs in. I didn't think anything of it because I figured she got tired of people standing out her back yard looking at her house---which made me think way in the world would you buy a house that backs to a trail if you didn't want anyone looking at your yard and we continued our walk. The next day I noticed they had an American flag flying on their flag pole and didn't think anything of it either.

I finally saw the neighbors wife to the right of us one day while out with the boys and smiled real big at her and waved but she just looked angry at me and turned around and went back into her house so I shrugged it off thinking maybe her hubby is the friendly one of the family. Little did I know that the cold front would only get colder the more we played in the driveway. I had play dates over and one little boy loved to ride his bike so his parents would bring his bike so the boys could ride around and be safe since this little one lived in the country and didn't have a contained area to ride and again I never thought twice about it after all I was always out there with them and if I thought they were being to loud I made them be quite or we went into the back yard to play.
Near the end of April we got our first call from the HOA president telling us we couldn't be parking in the "guest parking" and John explained that we weren't leaving a dead car in the parking just allowing our daughter to park there when it was open so we could all get out easily and the man informed us the we should clean out our garage so that we could pull our cars in and have room for Annies car on the driveway--that made us laugh because the gate keeper had told us that at one time someone in the neighborhood had petitioned the HOA to add in the rules that ALL CARS BE PARKED IN THE GARAGE and not in peoples driveways---he said some things about that which I won't post because I"m a family friendly blog--lol!! But it was funny that we got a call just as we started to let our boys play outside, and even funnier because from the day we moved in the ONLY time we ever saw anyone have someone over and use the guest parking was one car on Easter Sunday and two cars on Mothers day---the guest parking is a four car slot so Annies car never prevented anyone from parking in it. We made Annie park in the drive way for about 3 nights then seeing that NO ONE WAS USING THE GUEST PARKING we let her go back to parking there.

Little did we know the storm was about to hit.........

"LOVE THY NEIGHBOR..."

2009-05-19T10:17:00.002-05:00

Three simple words that are so easy to do when you have lovely neighbors but sometimes the hardest thing you will ever do if you don't!

My currents scriptures that I'm having to stand firmly on these days is Leviticus 19:18 and Matthew 5:44

Leviticus 19:18
Do not seek revenge or bear a grudge against one of your people, but love your neighbor as yourself. I am the Lord

Matthew 5:44
But I tell you Love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you.

Just a little background to help you understand our situation. When I began to pray that we would move from our home in Wagoner my prayers involved my hearts desire to be a "beacon of light" to my community, and I hoped that I would live my life as an open bible for all the neighbors to see so that I might be able to minister the love of God to them and if any was not saved help lead them to Jesus. I would pray every day that God would open the door for us to move and that we would be a witness to our neighborhood and of course I was always asking God that the neighborhood be my beloved "Washington Lane" As I prayed I had this image of me walking the neighborhood with the boys, making friends with those that lived there, always smiling and waving at the neighbors, even having morning coffee with other stay at home moms, having play dates with the neighborhood kids, and taking young mothers under my wings and being a blessing to them by mentoring them as mature mothers had done for me all those years ago. Of course when we moved into Washington Lane I thought "YES I HAVE ARRIVED AND GOD HAS ANSWERED MY PRAYERS" after all I prayed and TOLD GOD HOW TO ANSWER THEM and it looked like He did,but as always sometime the plans God has for us are not the plans we have for our self and that became evident when our house sale fell through and we needed to find another place to live that God's plans were going to be different than my plans. God showed up and provided and you can find that story in my older post.

I was disappointed when we moved from the beloved Washington Lane as I had held firmly this image of what I thought God wanted for us, but God has other plans and following those plans comes with rewards that are greater than anything I can hope or ever think of, and so I received this new house and neighborhood with great expectation of that blessing. I love this house we are currently renting--it is beyond my dreams of a home and is a true blessing to not only us but to the woman we are renting from. When I first walked in the doors to view it I felt not only total peace but God directly giving me all the things I had asked for in a home,I'm so content in this house I forget it really isn't mine but just a rental. But we were given a warning by our landlady that the neighborhood wasn't very "child friendly" and so I have worked hard at not offending the neighbors by making sure the boys do not go on their driveways or scream to loud while outside playing. I smile and wave to all the neighbors and work hard at trying to be not only friendly but to make a friend with them after all we have a very common ground of all of us being grandparents even though I am about 15 years younger than the next oldest woman on the block.

So in the next few posts I'm going to blog about the persecution we have endured since arriving in this gated community and my need to live out the word of God to LOVE THY NEIGHBOR!!

In the mean time I could use some prayers for strength and endurance as I mold into the "BEACON OF LIGHT " God needs for me to be!!

OK here is MONGO

2009-05-11T23:03:00.002-05:00

You need to read the lower post to understand why this waiting child is being posted and "named MONGO" --lol!! And since it's late and I can't get his image to show up you will need to click on the link to see him--trust me he is adorable and can be found on the HOLT website

PLEASE PRAY FOR THESE CHILDREN AS GOD DOES KNOW WHO THEIR FOREVER MOMMIES AND DADDIES ARE SUPPOSE TO BE!! PRAY THEY FIND THEM SOON AND HAVE FAVOR FOR ALL THE ADOPTION PROCESS INCLUDING MONEY!!

ID: B09_134
DOB: November 8, 2008

B09_134.jpg (JPEG Image, 300x300 pixels)

This cute little guy was born at 38 weeks and weighed 5.5 pounds at birth. His birthmother did smoked 7 cigarettes a day and drank ½ bottle of soju a week while pregnant. In his March well baby check he weighed 19 pounds and was assessed to be at a 3 to 4 month developmental age. He does have a neurological condition known as clonus. He has symptoms in his legs and chin, but they have been diminishing in frequency. He is being treated for this condition with medication and is being monitored by a neurologist. His MRI notes that he is microcephalic and his head circumference at his March well baby check was 41.2 cm. He also shows signs of delayed myelination in his brain and possible seizures. His is described as having cute features and that he is doing well with the foster family. He is in need of a family who is able to provide him with the medical care that he needs and is open to some unknowns.

To adopt this child, couples must submit their application to Holt before the oldest spouse reaches the age of 43. Applicants must be married at least 3 years and live in one of the following states: AL, AR, AZ, CA, CO, HI, IA, KS, KY, MN, MO, MS, MT, ND, NE, NJ, NM, OH, OK, OR, SC, SD, TN, TX, WADC, WV, or WY. Up to 4 children in the home. * See country criteria for complete requirements.

Meet.........Mike, Marie and Mongo!!!

2009-05-11T22:04:00.006-05:00

Today I was looking at some waiting kids as I always do with Colton on my lap as he LOVES to look at the kids waiting for their families to find them. I often have " little moments of Mommy pride" when Colton looks at waiting children with me as his heart is as tender for those still waiting as mine is. Most of the time he will just point and ask me to bring the picture up bigger on the screen so he can see them and then he says "AHHHH he is so cute" or "Ahhh I want that one to be my "kinna sissy" (his way of saying Korean sister)". I always remind him we should pray that these kids hurry up and have their mommy and Daddy find them so they to can go home to the place God has waiting for them and that usually makes Colton stretch out his hand towards the picture and he prays his little prayer---" Father God in Jesus name help him have a Mommy and Daddy to come home to" Then he hops down and runs off as his attention is on to something else.
But today was different and when I pulled up some newly listed little ones he asked "What's that babies name?" and since there wasn't one listed I said "He doesn't have a name as he is waiting for his family to name him" So Colton responded without missing a beat "I'm going to name him MIKE!!!" I was shocked because we don't have a Mike that he plays with nor does he know any Mikes except one but never calls that person Mike as he is the daddy to one of his good friends so he refers to him as Ryans Daddy. Colton has prayed for "Mike to have a family" and I thought I would share him with you ---I feel like I can because he is listed on the HOLT website and is not password protected so the following is "MIKES" listing and you can find him at the link right above his photo.....If you feel like MIKE is your son looking back at you then Please contact HOLT INTERNATIONAL and drop me a line or post back in this posting so Colton can know that you are his new family!! After we looked at MIKE Colton asked to see two more and named them also and so below MIKE is MARIE, and MONGO( I have no idea how he came up with the name MONGO but it rolled right off his tongue the minute he saw his face.!!)

This naming of the babies really tugged at my heart as it makes the kids so real and not just some picture. I often name waiting babies just so I have a name to say as I pray for them and I guess it has started rubbing off on Colton even though I have NEVER MENTIONED I name the babies to him--I think he just has the same heart that I have with the passion for these kids to be real and have a real family!

SO HERE IS COLTONS MIKE!!!!!!!
http://www.holtintl.org/waitingchild/photolisting/images/B09_135.jpg

ID: B09_135
DOB: October 14, 2008

This adorable little boy was born full term and weighed 7.76 pounds. He was on target developmentally in his well baby check in April. Prior to birth, he was found to have meconium peritonitis which was treated surgically after birth. He has been hospitalized and treated for gastroenteritis and colitits and his condition is now being monitored. A neurosonogram in December found subependymal hematomas in his brain. However, his most recent neurosonogram in April shows no abnormalities. His birth mother did smoke cigarettes during her pregnancy and took medication for dry skin. His foster family describes him as a good looking boy who looks very bright when he moves his lips to babble. He is in need of a family who is able to provide him with the medical care that he needs.

To adopt this child, couples must submit their application to Holt before the oldest spouse reaches the age of 43. Applicants must be married at least 3 years and live in one of the following states: AL, AR, AZ, CA, CO, HI, IA, KS, KY, MN, MO, MS, MT, ND, NE, NJ, NM, OH, OK, OR, SC, SD, TN, TX, WADC, WV, or WY. Up to 4 children in the home. * See country criteria for complete requirements.

and here is his MARIE--which Mommy thinks is so adorable and would LOVE to chat with anyone that would like to know about having a child with a teeny tiny head as Bradens head is still in the UNDER 3%

ID: G09_133
DOB: August 29, 2008

This beautiful little girl was born at 40 weeks and weighed 7.65 pounds. Her birth father has Wilson’s disease and it has not been determined if she inherited the disease. She is taking seizure medication after her EEG showed left central spike discharges. Her most recent neurology report states that there is not any definite seizure activity, and that her head circumference in the in 3rd percentile at 41cm. Her March well baby check assessed her to be at a 6 month developmental level, and notes that her lower extremities are spastic. She also has been hospitalized 3 times to be treated for jaundice. This sweet little girl is in need of a family who is open to some unknowns and is able to provide her with the medical care that she may need.

I can't seem to post MONGO without erasing Marie so he is going to get his own post--lol!!

The Budget

2009-04-28T09:08:00.002-05:00

Ok since you asked here is the low down--lol!!! The budget we worked out during our financial class was a VERY GOOD SOLID WORKING BUDGET!! That is as long as we can pay ourselves, and since we are self employed that sometimes doesn't happen. In fact we only got to work with our budget for about three weeks and were seeing how EASY things were becoming when it felt like the bottom fell out of our work load and we had NO MONEY TO PAY OUR SELF for the next 3.5 weeks. By law as employers we must pay the employees which is what happened so they never felt the crunch like we the boss did. We had a few customers we did work on houses for that didn't pay at the time the work was completed--in fact one we hadn't been able to reach for almost a full 4 weeks on and were starting to think we might have to file a lien on the house to insure that payment got made. Thankfully she was only out of town and did pay us this weekend so we have MONEY!!

Living without a paycheck for 3.5 weeks was a hardship but God in His mercy was always there. we had both Easter and Bradens birthday during this time of NO INCOME plus we needed to fill Annies meds and it was for the big ones that cost $365. We did NOT DIP INTO THE $1,000 "emergency fund" during this time as John was not sure when the cash flow would be coming back in and he wanted that money for the rent if needed. What we did have to tap into was some of the money for the credit card we were planning on paying off--but we didn't use up all the money. We just took out the barest of minimum needed to get what we had to have at that exact moment and let all the bills go. Unfortunately when we went to get Annies medicine the cost JUMPED from $365 to over $400--and that is OUR PART TO PAY!! Wal-Mart told us they raised the cost of that med and in turn was PASSING THAT ALONG TO US--there is a part of me thinking they raised it because we were coming in there every month to buy it from them and figured we would keep coming back but I'm currently shopping around to find the cheapest place to pay for it at. We have contacted the maker of the medicine to see if they have a program to make this more affordable and we make about $4,000 TO MUCH TO QUALIFY FOR HELP---UGH!!!!

But there was some good news during all of this and lessons learned to take with us as we journey down that road to the land of MORE THAN ENOUGH!! So here is what I took from the past month of money famine.......

It isn't what you spend on something that makes it special...
This was our "first Easter with the grand babies" and I wanted to do Easter baskets for them with all kinds of baby gifts they could use or need as they start crawling and teething and I didn't have the money to get them A SINGLE THING, I had wanted to make a HUGE basket for both Colton and Braden and actually only spent about $5 total on each of their baskets and that included the $1.50 for the cost of the new basket since their fell apart last year, they got NO NEW CLOTHES but they looked just as sharp as the other kids that came to church in new clothes and no one even noticed it was the same ole things they have wore before. We cooked for the entire "clan" which was our 6 kids, their spouses and babies, John-Johns mother and father in law, and Ashtons grandmother in law--so that was 14 people eating and I only spent less than $20 for the entire dinner!!!
IT TURNED OUT TO BE ONE OF THE BEST EASTER DINNERS I HAVE EVER MADE and WE HAD A GREAT TIME!!!!

Since there was NO money for Bradens birthday I was sad for all about 3 days--it seemed to me that Braden has gotten the short end of the stick since coming home and I wanted to do something extra special for him.I was hoping for this huge party and a fantastic present at a "playhouse type setting" but instead did a camp out party at the house which turned out to be the greatest birthday any of my kids have every had. Most of what I did for the party cost ZERO dollars as I decorated the upstairs with greenery from the girls wedding that I had saved to make it look like woods, I made a sign that read "Welcome to camp Wala Wala Braden" as you entered the upstairs and a very dear friend brought an outdoor "screen room type tent" that we set up in the playroom for the kids to play in and I found rocking cute gifts for the guest at the DOLLAR store of all places that went with the theme so every kid that came got---a working kids lantern, a straw cup "canteen" that has a place on the bottom for snacks, a tiny toy fishing pole and three fishes to catch, and a plastic melamine bear shaped plate that we ate off of. I made a campfire log cake out of swiss rolls and fruit roll ups for the flames and the kids LOVED IT, We roasted hot dogs on the grill for food and had smores from the microwave, and instead of one giant present I got Braden a small set of Lincoln logs which he plays with for hours. On top of that one present he received was for $25 so a few days later we went and got sand for the sand box with that money and I have to pry Braden and Colton out of it every day to eat and go to bed!!Best $25 present EVER--lol!!!

It really is the fellowship and time you give to each other that you remember and not the money spent.

We are over budget in some categories!

the most notable area is the ELECTRIC BILL. We had budgeted for $180 to make sure we covered the most expensive time of the year but the last two months have only been $89!!!!! I'm so excited because this is a full two story house with two air conditioners and so many lights you can't imagine,but since we replaced almost 90% of the lights with CF bulbs our electric is LESS than any amount we had while living in Wagoner in a single story. We don't have screen on the windows here so we have to run the air conditioner on days that I would only have opened the windows. I"m really excited as even if the bill doubles during the summer months we will still be right on budget for the amount we allowed.

Also not having the money to go do full weeks worth of grocery shopping showed us just how little we can live on in that department. If you remember John thought living on only $100 a week for groceries would be to tough so we upped it to $120 per week ---well with no money we ate on about $75 or less most weeks--on one I only spent about $50 and that was because we ran out of laundry soap--we could have even spent less if we just ate out of the pantry but I needed fresh milk and eggs and didn't have a stockpile of toilet paper so that takes a huge chunk of money on those items.

I haven't spent the $50 allowed for recreation not just because we didn't have the money but because some of the items I was going to use them on aren't available--the family swim pass for one! --bummer-- I will have to buy individual passes that add up to $125 and go MORE than 8 times for that to be a savings. I'm evaluating if that is what I still want to do. Mostly because we have a sprinkler system in the back yard and the boys LOVED LOVED LOVED running through that the other day so I'm thinking we can just play in the sprinkler everyday and water the yard at the same time( the sprinkler has zones so we can just water one zone a day for 20 minutes instead of watering the whole lawn all night long every 4 days and spend the same amount for water) If I buy the pass I know I will go more than eight times but if we just go once a week for the month of June and July that will only equal the cost of the pass--we could then use our sprinklers in the yard plus we do have a zoo pass so we can go there for fun, and the sand box that is keeping them busy so far. we still plan on putting the $50 in the budget so we can have a build up of money for next year if the boys want to play t-ball again or soccer.

WHAT WE ARE STILL WORKING ON
We are still thinking about refinancing the Wagoner house to put the first and second mortgage under one mortgage--this should free up $400 in the rent money we can pocket and use towards the credit debt. We are just hanging out to see what the government is doing about the mortgages as I just heard today they were going to do something for those with second mortgages on their homes.

Still haven't written the credit reporting agencies to have our sons information removed from our credit report(He has the same name as his dad and although he has excellent credit all his debts are showing up on our report which makes us look like we are in over our heads) Doing that should improve our credit score which took a hit when some of the credit card payment came in more than 30 days late( it really sucks because we DID PAY THEM just not at the time they were due as we had NO CASH FLOW those months!)

While we would LOVE to have all the cash to just go and do all the things we want to do when we want to do them we are having a good time living without and most of all are not feeling sorry for ourselves about the whole money issues. God is our provider and the confidence in knowing HE IS ON OUR SIDE gives us the peace we need to get through this rough patch.

Long time no post!

2009-04-27T11:29:00.002-05:00

Oh where has the time gone!! I didn't mean to be gone for so long but all these thoughts have left me almost paralyzed in writing them down! so I'm going to take a day and start the drafts on all of them and post them all at once--lol!!!

It's been great and not so great for the past few weeks--the boys are staying dry at night which means NO MORE PULL UPS!!!! Of course when Annie found out Colton wasn't in pull ups at night she had a COW!! Mostly because he sneaks in her bed around 3 every night and sleeps with her---she went on and on about him peeing in her bed and demanding I use pull ups which didn't happen----well as you can guess the THING SHE FEARED THE MOST CAME UPON HER THAT NIGHT AND HE PEED HER BED!!!! That was the first time in over 6 weeks and I truly think it was because she made such a stink about it. Colton is back to wearing his "night nights" which are rubber covered training pants but I'm going to slowly wean him back into big boy undies at night.

The not so great was medical issues showing back up which lead to a return to the doctor who's answer is to just USE MORE MEDS and not really get to the issue of why the medical issues are even happening--the meds just cover up the problem so I have decided to not use the "extra" meds he wants me to take and keep on the one med and do a diary of my daily life to see if there is an established pattern of when they seem to happen. I'm also doubling my workouts to lose weight--which in turn should help eliminate the underlying cause I hope!!

Johns on board with the workouts and did great on Saturday---both of us working together to be the best in health will make a world of difference in our children's life as they will finally get healthy parents who have the energy to keep up with them!--lol!!

I'm down 15 pounds since my known highest amount of weight!! That's a full post in itself and will be coming SOON!!

Stay tuned as there is more in the making--some will entertain, some will make you reflect and others well it's just that good ole fashion gossip about my life that everyone wants to know but is to nice to ask--lol!!

DEBT COLLECTORS!!

2009-04-07T13:29:00.002-05:00

GRHH!!! They really make my skin crawl but at the same time I feel sorry for the ones who can only find a job trying to make my life miserable!

Let me just say that I have never hidden the fact that we are in debt and that we owe huge amounts in both medical and credit card bills. The credit card bills are not from large extravagant things--no diamonds, clothes, fancy toys you don't need but just simple everyday life things that we couldn't afford but needed and so we had to charge them until John got a job going and we could pay cash again for our necessities. We do OWE for them and are doing our best to pay them off. If we went to credit counseling they would tell us to file bankruptcy as that looks like the only solution but we are being faithful and God is working!

But try and tell that to the people that start calling me at 8:01 AM every morning and don't stop until 9 at night!!! It's not the Sears card or the master card but a card that I won't name as I don't want them getting any free advertisement even if it's negative-lol!!!

There are laws about credit collection and what they can and can not do--including how often they call but many KNOW THAT THE AVERAGE PERSON DOESN'T KNOW THE LAWS and so they just do as the please. This harassment is ILLEGAL but they don't care-- they do it anyway. We have made arrangement to pay our creditors a certain amount and do so every month but because we are self employed the money isn't always there on the EXACT DAY the credit card company wants it so they start their calling that last ALL DAY LONG.

BUT ENOUGH IS ENOUGH so I started fighting back---see the card that is calling is NOT IN MY NAME and therefore I HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH IT but they still ask to speak with me after they first ask for my hubby and find out he is at work. They call every morning and I tell them every morning that he leaves the house at 6:30 and returns between 5-6 every night but they still call every two hours on the hour to ask for him. SO If I say he is at work they ask for his spouse then TELL ME THEY ARE RECORDING OUR CONVERSATION and want to go on and on about how my hubby is being late every month. The MAN IS WORKING HARD AND IS PAYING THEM JUST NOT ON THE DAY THEY WANT!!! And yesterday I had enough!!!!!!! The third person that called me that day for the exact same card started in on the same ole same ole stuff and as soon as he said "THIS CALL WILL BE RECORDED" in his intimidating voice I said "GOOD AS I"M GOING TO RECORD IT ON MY END SO BOTH THE RECORDINGS MATCH" then I hit the record button on my answer machine and instead of them trying to tell me what a low life my husband was for not paying his bill they only said "OH I CAN"T ALLOW YOU TO RECORD --I"M JUST TRYING TO FIND OUT WHEN I CAN CALL BACK!"-- I never laughed so hard as they were scrambling to hang up and they NEVER CALLED BACK UNTIL THIS MORNING!! And you guessed it from now on I just say I'm recording them too and they HANG UP ON ME!!!

So until the card is paid off or they get the message to STOP HASSLING ME I will be answering my phone like this: "Good morning/afternoon/evening this is Anita and I hope you are having a blessed day, I'm recording all calls today and want you to know before you say anything so how can I help you today!!" I will then hit the record or even just the star button to make the bleep so if you call that is what you can expect!! Not trying to be rude just tired of being hassled all day long

Heart Tugs......

2009-04-01T13:43:00.005-05:00

NO I'm talking a physical sensation but the emotional and spiritual ones that seem to come when you least expect them and often times take your breath away. Many times we as humans feel a "heart tug" and think oh that's me just wanting something or we totally ignore it, but I believe those heart tugs are placed by God and there for a reason.

I have many heart tugs daily and I have to admit there are times I wish I could just push them to the side and forget but I know my FATHER is watching and waiting for my response. He is waiting to open the door for me but first I must take that step forward and that sometimes is the hardest step of all. God put inside of me a true heart for the parentless that goes beyond my own two sons that joined the family by adoption, but I feel so powerless on what to do with that tug. After all I'm just a simple housewife in Oklahoma with no resources to do anything for anyone yet the tugs continue. I have at times tried my best to walk away from Special needs orphans who are still waiting for someone to see them and believe in them the way I know my GOD sees them, but I can't stay gone for long as God tugs at me once again and I know I must answer that call! It isn't every "waiting child" or "every special needs orphans" that tug at my heart. I look daily at a vast amount of waiting to be found kids and the ones that I know GOD is speaking to me about are the ones that seem to look' deep in my soul' when I stare at them--some of these children only have a bio written about them and no picture yet it's like those words are been burned deep within me for a reason and I know I must do something.

So what do I do about them? First and most important I pray for that child,if I can, I print off their picture and post them on my office wall which is something I need to get back to since I have moved to a new house. I leave them up until they are matched and continue to pray for them daily. There are those that I know that I know if I could move forward with the adoption of them myself God would provide but at this time that isn't possible as my husband doesn't have the same "tug". Those are the ones that bring tears of sorrow as I see them sit day after day without a match. Many times God will prompt me to post about them on adoption forums I frequent and I have been very pleased to say that almost every single child that I have posted after God tugged on my heart to do so has been matched!! Some right away and others months later but since words posted on cyber space never disappear you never know if someone saw the post all those months later or if prayer alone helped 'seed the desire' for that child. It was the prayers of many that opened the door for our son Braden to join the family so I know prayer is a powerful tool, yet I feel there is more God is asking of me and I don't yet know what that is.

So here I am pondering about my heart tugs on this beautiful spring day. Orphans are not my only heart tug just so everyone knows. I have had a very strong heart tug to go away with my husband alone for a weekend and shower him with devotion that would blow his socks off but have yet to bring that tug to past either.There are many more tugs and I know I will get to them someday as long as I step toward them and stop pushing them back deep down. I want with all my heart to fullfill the plans God has for me and I know it is HE who is tugging at my heart today and so I will answer that tug as best I can in the only way I know how for now and pray for the ones HE has revealed to me today. They are precious and adorable and long for a mom and dad. You can find them here and if you know me well it won't take much to figure out which three have TUGGED at my heart so strong I thought it was going to burst! http://twietconfetti.blogspot.com/
It's the first time in over 4 years that I have looked at a "non asian" child and felt that passion that this could be mine and I was totally blown away by it and I have no idea what to do from here as my husband is still firm in his heart that we are done so I'm praying for direction and wisdom and pondering the tugs of my heart till direction or a family comes forward.

But I'd like to know from anyone who has taken the time to read this what are your "HEART TUGS"? How do you answer them? Do you have any regrets? I had a add to the family tug that took over 13 years to complete and I can truly say I thought I would go insane waiting for that tug to come to pass but THEY WERE WORTH THE WAIT!! I'd love to hear from you as your heart tug stories give me hope and most of all I think sharing your tugs are a way of bringing them out from that deep part they live in that is so easy to ignore when you think there is no way for them to bloom and grow. So please share but if the public forum is to much than drop me an email at amccrackin@windstreamdotnet and I'll pray your tugs come to pass!!!

March Madness--Okie style!!

2009-03-28T18:49:00.004-05:00

Look what we did today!

Colton having a blast making after helping to make the snowthing--to unfinished to call it a snowman-lol!

Burying the trains!

Braden not to thrilled about standing next to the snowman!He really wanted to go back to cleaning the snow off of things--lol!

Braden having a good time cleaning the snow off Daddy's truck!!

And you thought it was going to be about basketball--lol!!!

Nope the freakish 8 inch spring snow lead to a day of fun for the boys! Colton could have lived outside if I had let him. I only wish I had the camera ready when he ran out and dove head first into the snow and started to roll around--he was truly in hog heaven!!
Braden on the other hand stopped at the front porch and gave me the look that meant "Mom do I have to go get wet and dirty!" that boy is just like his mommy and don't like the cold one bit!!!

Travel--First stop Houston!

2009-03-27T13:17:00.003-05:00

Sorry to take so long to get back to writing down my thoughts feelings and hopes but it's been a busy two weeks and much is going on. I have more posts to complete including our final two lessons on debt relief which are good and now the part of being still and trusting in the Lord takes over.

During our 25 years of marriage John has done some traveling for jobs here and there. Sometimes it's one little job and other times it's many jobs back to back. The traveling jobs tend to come when we need the money the most as they are the greatest profits when you only account for money. But there are other things to consider when it comes to travel than just the high profits and that's the time spent apart and how that effects both the marriage and the kids. For the past 25 years when he did travel I stayed home with the kids and the impact was felt by both them and me. Being a single parent is NOT MY CUP OF TEA!!! ( just ask the kids--lol!!) Plus there is the whole disconnection between John and I that happens no matter how hard you try to stop it. Be gone long enough and the house no longer is "our house" but becomes " my and the kids house" and John begins to feel like a guest in his own house when he would come home for a "visit". You really can't stop that, after all life at home continues to move forward and the one gone is left out of the loop even if you call and tell every single detail of the day to each other.We are HIGHLY a wear of that and take measures to overcome it once it rears it's ugly head. Working on staying connected while being apart is truly the hardest job in the world, and blending back into a "twosome" after spending weeks and months as a "one some" takes dedication and patience that many sadly eventually no longer wish to invest in.

So all that being said you might wonder why I'm really really excited about the changes that are taking place and the first of what I can see will be many travel job opportunities coming our way. WELL LET ME SHARE WITH YOU A REVELATION JOHN AND I HAD PLUS A VISION GOD GAVE ME 3 YEARS AGO!!

The last major "travel" job John did before we adopted took place during our oldest sons senior year. All the "ugly" of being apart seemed to be magnified by the "senioritis" that all my kids have experienced during senior year. "Senioritis" is the term I use for the awful attitude that appears during senior year when my kids all believe they have "arrived" and are now adults fully capable of making ANY AND ALL decisions for themself combined with an attitude that we parents are STUPID AND DON"T KNOW A THING. Of course they are "almost a full adult" and are capable of making MANY decisions for themselves but they still need that final guidance in their life to help lead them or keep them on the path God has for them. The thing about senioritis is that it fully goes away about 6 months after they graduate from high school and they begin to lead the life of an adult and realise that mom and dad weren't so stupid after all and most of the stuff they said about finances,jobs, school and relationships are REALLY INDEED TRUE--lol!!! So John being gone during our first experience of senioritis was very hard on my as I'm not cut out to be a single parent. After about 4 months of living apart while he worked in Arkansas we came to the conclusion that the money wasn't worth the toll on our marriage. I also came to the conclusion that our staying home while John lived in another state was not the plan GOD had ever intended. See in the word of God you always see that when God "calls a man" to another place or higher level for something the man BRINGS THE WIFE AND KIDS WITH HIM! God made children portable for a reason!! It's us that thinks a child needs to be rooted in one place only and US that says the child comes BEFORE THE FAMILY UNIT. The reality is the relationship chain should link as follows --FIRST THE PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP TO THE FATHER GOD--Than THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN HUSBAND AND WIFE--THAN THE CHILDREN ARE FRUITS OF THAT RELATIONSHIP. Unfortunately children tend to placed before the marriage and many a wife and husband find themself lost once the kids are gone and they don't know how to function without dedicating their entire time and energy to the kids. So I decide that no more would I ever let myself not be at my husbands side--from here on out the kids and I would go with. For John the difficulties of those four months were such that he chose to NEVER GO OUT OF TOWN AGAIN. That was over 6 years ago and he has steadily turned down some very profitable jobs as he didn't want to live apart and Braden needed the stability of having two parents around as he opened up and began to trust and attach.But God is moving on our behalf and the time has come to take the steps towards not only the call but the vision God revealed about us over 4 years ago.

Before we ever boarded the plane to get Colton I knew deep in my heart that we would be adopting again but John was firm that Colton was it. Once in Korea God firmly planted the seed for another child and I knew beyond a doubt that we would be missing something in our life if we didn't fulfill that seed. So soon after we arrived home I began to pray and ask God to reveal Himself and the direction He had for us as a couple. I got one little phrase to go with the seed for another child and that was "home base". I didn't fully understand that but prayed in earnest for more revelation and realised that "home base" was literally the house we would live in and I KNEW BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT THAT THE HOUSE IN WAGONER WASN"T IT!!!So the seed for moving was planted but the seed for adoption became much stronger and I focused on that in my prayer life. Then in May of 2006 I began to pray in earnest concerning a certain "waiting child" to be matched with a family(not thinking at the time it was US!) and also for the opening of Johns heart to adopt again and one night God gave me a vision that to this day is as vivid as if I was living it right now. I saw myself and two asian boys that were about the same age getting on an airplane to go meet John in Florida, he was there working a job that was going to be 6-8 weeks long and had been there already for 3 weeks. The boys were right around the age for early school years and I couldn't tell if it was age 5 for kindergarten or age 6 for first grade but they were both boys and one was Colton. We stayed at a rented bungalow near a beach and was there for 3 weeks when we needed to return to Oklahoma for some obligation that involved me. In the vision I had a feeling that John and I were also thinking about or fully waiting for a "girl" and I knew this wasn't the first time I had joined him with the "boys" on an out of town job. As John took us back to the airport I remember John and I talking about what we would do if the job went longer than 2 weeks which is what should have been left on the job and it was a normal conversation--one we had had many times already. An interesting note as that I knew the "girl" we were waiting for wasn't KOREAN like the two boys-- even though I couldn't see the face of the other boy I knew he was Korean like Colton. The vision continued only it was at a different time of the year since the scene from Florida was during the summer months. The next scene was during the fall and I saw myself packing my red car full of household supplies and clothes for several months and heading out to the eastern side of the U.S. to join John on a job he had begun. I knew we were heading to somewhere near New York city and the "kids" and I were going to take a week of sightseeing to get there.I also packed school work as I was going to home school the kids during the 3-4 month time we would be away so I assumed they were older than what they were in the Florida scene. I also knew there was another child but I couldn't see who or what it was just that this child didn't need homework and I wasn't bringing baby stuff. The scene ended when I arrived at the place John was and found out we would be living in the heart of a big city in a high rise apartment and I saw we had brought our dog with us. There were two more scenes in the vision one was me and boys arriving home after one of our trips to be with John and having them run up stairs to their room while I flipped through the mail--I could tell the house had "neutral colored walls" and there was peace when we entered the house, but that truly the "coming and going" was actually our real home and this was just our place of refreshing. There wasn't this I'm so glad to be done with that trip attitude and ready to get back to my "real life"--this was our "base of refreshment" but our home was wherever we happened to be at that moment. The last vision was of John and I in our church--I heard what was at the time just our Pastors son say from the pulpit that it was good to have John and Anita home for the next few weeks as we had a church project to get done. The pastors son is now the pastor of the church and so now it makes sense to me why he was on the platform.I knew in this scene that John and I came and went from this place--sometime we were gone for long periods of time and other times we were in Oklahoma for long periods of time but that we were never again fully rooted and staying here forever. The church and the house we lived in was our "home base" and we came and went as God directed. I knew there were times the kids and I were at the church without John as he was away on a job but that if it lasted more than 3 weeks than the kids and I went to him instead of staying here the whole time he was gone. I also knew that some times we went with him for the whole time of a job and other times we joined him off and on but that God used us in ministry and in construction in this type of a lifestyle. And then I just woke up from the vision. Colton was only home for 5 months and was 17 months old at the time I had seen all this.

It's been almost 3 years since that vision and later next week John leaves to go look at a job in HOUSTON--he almost didn't tell me about the job opportunity but once he did I think I shocked him at how excited I was!! I know that this is the beginning of that next phase for us that we will travel --some years a lot and some years not at all but we will do both work and ministry when we go, I have this strong since that the pull for Special Needs orphans will combine with the construction knowledge John has and God will open doors for us to share our heart for the ones "not yet chosen"!!!

I told John I have "friends in Houston" so Suzy if you are reading this we might be coming to Texas in the next month!!!! The fact is I spend so much time on the Internet on adoption sites and forum that the boys and I will not lack for fellowship as I know of plenty adoptive moms around the US and I look forward to seeing some of you in the future face to face as God brings the visions to pass!!!

HUSBAND FUNNY!

2009-03-14T14:12:00.002-05:00

I can't resist sharing a super funny to me story that happened between John and I recently. First I should give a tiny bit of background for those who may not know this about me. Something dropped into my heart about the time we decided that adoption was the way we were going to add to our family over 4 years ago. God seems to have pointed and planned all things that have happened in my life for this very drive I now have that at times feels like it is consuming me. I have a deep set passion for orphans and in particular Special Needs orphans. Even prior to the adoption of Colton and Braden my motto in life was and STILL IS THERE IS ROOM AT THE TABLE FOR JUST ONE MORE!!! I daily look and hope to find homes for waiting kids from several of my favorite waiting child listings. My husband does not at this time share the desire to add any more kids to the family but listens to me talk daily about any new updates on my "favorite kids"( I give them all names since they only have numbers next to their photos or bios) so keeping that in mind here is a conversation that took place during the first week of our debt reduction class.....

I was sitting in the office on the computer when John gets home from work and comes in to see what I was up to and ask whats for supper--Annie soon followed and entered after our conversation had began.

ME sitting at the computer: Honey I read over the pages of the debt class since I couldn't go with you on Sunday and I'm so excited to get started.

John: Yea the class was pretty much word for word from the pages so you didn't really miss out on much

Me: Yea it looks like we are in better shape than I first thought since we already have our "BABY FUND" in the bank

John: We don't have a baby fund honey( looking very confused at me while saying it)

Annie: WHAT BABY FUND- WE AREN'T GETTING ANOTHER BABY!.

Me: Yes we do to have a "baby fund" ( being very INSISTENT THAT WE DO!)

Annie : Dad tell Mom WE ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER BABY!! You guys aren't getting another baby, Tell her Dad!!!

John: WE DON"T HAVE ANY BABY FUND( his eyes starting to bulge out)We aren't adopting Annie

Me:I Know THAT but we DO HAVE A" BABY FUND"--even the papers says we should start out with a "baby fund" in case of an emergency ( I realise at this point he doesn't remember the debt class says to start an emergency fund with only $1,000 and work towards saving the full 3-6 months worth of emergency fund money--the $1,000 is called the "baby fund" since it isn't fully funded yet, and so I have a little fun with John and Annie)

John: But we don't have a BABY FUND

Me: but they told you in class to be prepared as you never know when anything is going to happen so we need a "baby fund"

Annie: WE ARE NOT GETTING ANOTHER BABY!

Me : remember we talked about it and we were going to save some tax money for this purpose.

John: (looking like he is raking his brain trying desperately to remember if we talked about an "adoption fund" and he doesn't remember)

Annie: What country are you talking about? You really aren't getting another baby -is it china or another Korean baby?( panic is setting in on her voice now!)

John: Honey there is NO MONEY and we didn't talk about a baby fund

Me: you didn't spend it did you? the tax money is still in the bank right--we still have a $1,000 for the baby fund?

John: NO I didn't spend it( really looking distressed at this time and slightly ashen too-lol!!!)

Me: THAN WE DO TO HAVE A BABY FUND and we are already ahead of the game and ready to move to the next level

John: THERE IS NO BABY FUND HONEY!!

Me:( not being able to hold the laughter back from the distress that John and Annie are having) IF we still have the $1,000 in the bank than that's our "baby fund" Even Ben( the man running the debt class and dear friend for over 20 years) recommends we have one as you never know when there is a surprise emergency and we should be prepared so we don't go into debt over it, and we said we were going to have a baby fund

John--shakes his head NO<>

Annie: DAD!!( she is gasping now as she thinks her dad and I have talked about having a fund for another adoption or sibling call)

John: I don't remember ever agreeing to a baby fund we ARE NOT ADOPTING!

Me: (Can't contain the laughter any more and have to let them off the hook!)I KNOW THAT! I have been talking about the "baby emergency fund" Ben talks about --it's called the baby fund because it is only $1,000 and not the full 3-6 months of living expense and we DO HAVE IT RIGHT?!

John: (weak from thinking we were talking about adoption and he had somehow been snared into starting an adoption fund) Yea we got that, I need to go lay down

Me; falling off my chair laughing and Praying silently to God--Did you see how fast he thought I was talking about a baby God, maybe another kid is more on his mind than he is willing to admit! I know when it's time you can move his heart and make it happen so I'm not worried!

Getting out of debt lesson # 2

2009-03-13T09:29:00.002-05:00

Where did the week go? I had planed on posting this by Tuesday and here it is almost the weekend and I'm just getting around to it. Lets you know how I'm doing on being more organized-lol!

So the second lesson last Sunday was on debt myths and on getting your debt snowball rolling. the four key steps to debt reduction are as follows.

# 1 Create and maintain a working budget. Make adjustments as necessary (DONE!)

#2 Get current and STAY current on debt payments ( working on this, mostly for the medical bills)

#3 Save an emergency fund of $1,000 ( DONE THANKS TO THE TAX RETURN!!)

#4 Start attacking the debt. Use the Debt Snowball form. ( may be able to PAY OFF ONE CREDIT CARD IN FULL BY THE END OF NEXT MONTH!!!!!!)

May favorite myths where things both John and I KNEW and once walked in the truth at one time but somehow over the years allowed ourselves to be "suduced" into the world's thinking and sucked us into this cycle of debt. I'll post a few ---some we are guilty of and some we have never done but know others who have

MYTH --You need a credit card to build your credit. The truth is you can get almost any type of loan without having had a credit card. We got plenty of car loans before we ever got our first credit card. Our daughter Ashton and her husband Daniel also got a house mortgage without having a credit card.

MYTH--Rent to own can help lower income people get ahead. The truth is the rent to own industry is the biggest scam of all as you wind up paying out over 1,800% in interest on average. The biggest example is a standard washer and dryer set that you can get for $500---at a rent to own center you would "pay" only $20 a week for the set but most contracts are for 90 WEEKS which in the end makes them cost you $1,800---very few people ever do the math and figure out EXACTLY what the end cost of "renting to own something is"

MYTH --- Car payments are a way of life and you will always have one We have been sucked into this myth over and over. I can't tell you how many cars I have had as it never failed that just about the time the current car I had was due to payoff we went and got another one. All but two of my cars have been "used" so we figured we were getting a good deal as someone else had already taken the "hit" on it when it was new but the fact is financing a car is still debt no matter if it's new or used

Myth buying a new car saves you money because you get a warranty. The truth is a new car loses 60% of it's value in the first 4 years that means a new car that costs $28,000 will lose $17,000 of value during the first 4 years. YOU COULD REBUILD A CAR TWICE FOR $17,000!!! We have totally gotten in over our heads concerning cars by trading "up" when we had a car that needed a repair. The fact is a PAYED for car is cheaper than a car you are still paying on and most will NOT cost you the same to repair in the next 6 years than you would be spending in car payments ( the average new car is financed now for 6 full years!!)

Myth leasing a car is a good way to go The fact is leasing a car is in many ways the same as RENT TO OWN and go back and see that myth for the full facts! Many lease places convince you to "lease another car" as soon as your current lease is up, and so you continue to make a car payment without ever really owning a car! And because you are leasing a BRAND new car you are paying the depreciation on that car for the dealer--they in turn sell it for a profit after you return it or sell it to you after you have already payed out the 60% value loss.

Some of my favorite parts about the class are what I call the "nuggets of truth" or fact statements. Highlights of my favorite are as follow:
Debt is a means to obtain the "I want its" before we can afford them.
The best way to build wealth is to become and stay debt-free!
It's easy to become wealthy if you don't have any payments!
Extreme situations require extreme solutions. Do whatever it takes to get your debt snowball rolling,sell something:have a garage sale---WHAT EVER YOU NEED TO DO TO INCREASE THE INCOME AND OR REDUCE SPENDING DO IT!!!

Going CF

2009-03-10T10:06:00.002-05:00

About four years ago John and I went through our Wagoner house and replaced all the light bulbs with CF ones (compact fluorescence) and the savings were amazing. Even though we didn't really have that many lights we saw about a $20-30 difference in our electric bill depending on the time of year. When we moved to BA we took the bulbs with us to the new rental. Since we had no electric history on the rental we didn't know what the savings would be, after all it was a band new house compared to our 30 year old house back in Wagoner.. Fortunately the builder had kept the electric history to show potential buyers and for the months we had lived there they had paid the previous year about $100 for electricity to keep the house cooled and the lights on for showing. Well our first bill for living in that house with the CF bulbs in all the fixtures was ONLY $90!! There is no telling how much a family would be saving since they didn't use the electricity the same as when you live in the house.

When we moved from the first rental into our current rental we didn't bring the bulbs with us as we left them as a gift to the new owner of the house. Our new rental has so many fixtures and the lighting here is so awesome I cringed at the thought of the cost to buy CF bulbs for them. But the funny thing is GOD is always there looking for ways to bless us and most of all HE knows our needs and desires, so I wasn't at all suprised when John called from Lowes one day to ask how many bulbs I thought we needed. There was a a case of CF bulbs on sale!!!!. They were in boxes of 6 for only $6.35 a BOX!! I told him to buy as many as he could afford to because we had TONS OF LIGHTS and I didn't have time at that moment to actually count or estimate how many we needed. Last night we took the 5 boxes and replaced 30 but still need MORE!! The average wattage of the bulbs we took out was 100 watts The new CF ones only use 13 WATTS. I am looking forward to seeing how much a difference the new ones will make on the electric bill. In the end we will have put in over 48 new CF bulbs in the house plus we plan on replacing the can lights with CF cans. I will post what the saving are as soon as we get the new bill--it may take a full two months though to see the actual savings as I think we are going to hit the electirc bill in the middle of the cycle.

Now I need to figure out what to do with 48 100watt bulbs?!! Anyone need some lights that will cost you LOADS OF MONEY TO USE?--lol!!

Budget numbers are in!

2009-03-09T10:50:00.003-05:00

Sorry it's taken me so long to get back to posting about the budget but we sorta became wii maniacs--lol!! It has been fun and worth the money spent as we are getting up and moving but most of all bonding together as a family.

If you don't have time to read what I'm sure is going to be HUGE LONG POST than let me give a quick short summary.

The word for our budget is SOBERING, EYE OPENING, REALITY CHECK! Those are what you see when you only look with your natural man eye. But thank God we are not just "natural man" but are also spiritual beings and so when you take into consideration that God plays a very vital roll in our life and is looking for ways to show us He is in control and not to worry than the word for our budget becomes AWESOME, INSPIRING, MIRACLE POTENTIAL, WONDER WORKING OPPORTUNITY!!!

The short version is this we bring home(through being self employed) enough to put together a skeletal budget that includes paying the minimum on all but one credit card and some towards the THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS worth of medical bills. One credit card will be getting a small amount of "extra" to start off our debt snowball.

the basics of basics is what is on the budget, TITHING, RENT, UTILITIES, CAR PAYMENT, GAS FOR THE CAR, INSURANCE FOR THE CAR, MEDICATION FOR ANNIE, CREDIT CARDS, MEDICAL BILLS, GROCERY, AND A SMALL AMOUNT FOR RECREATION ($50 a month for recreation to pay for anything the boys need for T-Ball, zoo renewal, and pool membership) We did increase the food budget as we went through it because John felt that trying to keep it to $160 every two weeks was going to be to hard as we didn't allow for irregular things like razors, shampoo and things along that line that we only buy once a month so now our grocery budget is set at $200 for every two weeks. Things we wanted on the list that we can not do right now are clothing,dental,car repairs gifts including a Christmas budget,blow money.

We can pay everything on this budget and not get behind but we also will not be getting ahead either.God has always made up the difference in the areas we can not budget for and some of the categories we really have no "needs" in right now. EVERYONE in the house is set for spring and summer in the clothing department including shoes. We would love to go to the dentist but there is a free dental place in Tulsa if we have an emergency right now , any car repairs will have to come from the $1,000 emergency fund which we do have right now, and, birthday and Christmas will have to come from bonus money John can withdrawal from the company.

That's the short version!!!! The long of it follows----

God truly is the only way we will be getting out of debt anytime soon. The word tells us to "trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding". We will do our part by living within the budget numbers we established and looking for ways to slash some of the utility bills along with grocery savings so we can put more from our own means towards the debt snowball. BUT MOST OF ALL WE WILL BE SEEKING GODS ADVICE AND WISDOM ON HOW TO MOVE FORWARD. The word is clear that we are God's sheep and He is our Shepard, we hear HIS voice a strangers we will not follow and HE will lead and guide us on the path He has for us.

God is already giving us directions to move to help in the budget. One of the most important one is to seek out new health insurance with prescription coverage. Annies meds are $450 PER MONTH and that alone is the amount keeping us from doing more on the debt reduction. we have a lead through our pastor about a company that provides health coverage to SELF EMPLOYED PEOPLE that would cover pre-existing and give prescription coverage!! Once we get the number and see if we can switch over I'll share the name as I don't want to give out false hope if it turns out there is a waiting period on the pre-existings. God is also given us some leadings on what to do with our Wagoner house concerning refinancing. We are going to ask for financial council and pray some more before we move forward and will let you know once we have clarity.

God can and does daily provide miracles for those who are seeking them THROUGH HIS WORD. God is not moved by "NEEDS" but by faith and so through faith in HIS WORD we expect our miracle to come. NO MONEY WILL NOT START RAINING FROM HEAVEN. But favor and opportunities will. By listening to God through out the day I know I will have the chance for money savings. God says He has made us the head and not the tail,above and not beneath. When others are only hoping for things I fully expect God to show me how to get it! He says in His word that He will give wisdom to those that ask and so daily John and I ask for God's wisdom both for our home and for our business. When other businesses are struggling I expect ours to prosper. Why because the WORD SAYS THAT EVERYTHING WE SET OUR HANDS TO WILL PROSPER!!! and I'm standing on that word. We are tithers and God says in his word concerning those that tithe TO PROVE HIM NOW THAT THE WINDOWS OF HEAVEN WILL BE OPEN AND HE WILL POUR US OUT A BLESSING WE CAN NOT CONTAIN. In our budget we did allow for some "giving over and above the tithe" It isn't as much as we wanted but it is seed for sowing. God has a plan of sowing and reaping. We will sow blessings in offerings and reap back blessings,favor and most of all more seed to sow.

If we were to only look at what we could do in our own power than John and I both would be defeated before we even began, but we have a history with GOD and HIS PROVISIONS for us and so there is no fear nor depression concerning our state at this time. One of the greatest things is to remember what GOD has done and remind your self of it. For us God has already provide THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS IN BLESSINGS IN ONE MOMENT and I'd like to share as a memorial those with you. See I know that in a simple moment God could provide thousands of dollars to wipe out our debt as He has already in times past provided THOUSAND of dollars in money and provision.
The first has to do with Johns business. Since the very beginning of our marriage John had a dream of running his own company. For years he served faithful to one man in his construction company and it looked like this man was going to be the "source" of Johns dream coming true as he always told John when he retired he would turn over his company to him. BUT GOD HAD OTHER PLANS. As it turned out this man was not the source of his dream but a step towards it. See the man FIRED JOHN and it was the greatest thing to happen to us. God provided us $25,000 within the first week John got fired from SOMEONE. See God's provision ALWAYS COMES THROUGH THE HANDS OF MAN. GOD CAN"T RAIN MONEY FROM HEAVEN BUT HE CAN MOVE THE HEART OF SOMEONE TO PROVIDE IT FOR YOU. We went from John being fired on a Friday to having $25,000 to start a business and TWO jobs to start working by the following FRIDAY.!!! We have never looked back and our work has been blessed. Any lack we have had is because of US not seeking GOD"s advice or simply NOT FOLLOWING IT ONCE WE GOT IT! But here we stand NINE FULL YEARS LATER John still working his own business--and that is a miracle as most small businesses don't last more than 5-6 years. God continues to bless us through this work.

The other super natural THOUSANDS of dollars worth of blessing came because of a HORSE. About 2 and a half years ago I was going to the post office in Wagoner and on my way home I drove past a "resale" shop that lines up on main street in Wagoner and I looked over and saw a spring hippy horse. I said out loud to God "God I would LOVE TO GET ONE OF THOSE HIPPY HORSES FOR THE BOYS BUT DON"T HAVE THE MONEY RIGHT NOW. It would make a great Christmas present even if I can't get it right now ( it was turning fall at the time), and since YOU are the one that "gave me my boys" I know that YOU will provide for them as no FATHER gives a gift to His child that he doesn't also provide for so RIGHT NOW I RECEIVE THE ABILITY TO HAVE A HIPPY HORSE FOR THE BOYS. I then simply drove home without finding out how much the resale shop wanted for the horse. Two days later I went to our churches Wednesday night service and had a woman at church ask if I'd like a HIPPY HORSE FOR THE BOYS!! She said she was clearing out her boys toys and didn't need it any more. I said Yes and told her I had just prayed for a horse for them and we both laughed. Then she said to have John bring the truck on Saturday night prayer and they would bring it to us. As she was leaving she asked if we could also use some clothes and we said yes and she said BRING THE CAR TOO as she had a lot to give us so we did. Now I want to say is all I did was pray for a horse and remind God HE had blessed us with the boys and I knew that HE would ALWAYS provide for them. SO on Saturday we showed up with two vehicles and got not only a hippy horse but the entire back of the truck FILLED TO OVER FLOWING WITH TOYS PLUS ! 9 SPACE BAGS FULL OF CLOTHES!!! She had given us all the clothes form NEWBORN to size 5 as I had said I knew a lady that could use the baby boy clothes. Since my boys were both in size 2 clothes at the time I starting sorting through those. I have a dining room table that extends to 7 foot and laid out clothes from size 2 to size 3 before I ran out of room--- I had 7 foot long but 2 feet TALL worth of clothes setting on the dining room table and more bags to open!! I kept all I wanted and gave away a box that was 3 foot squared on size 2 clothes alone. Just with what I could put out on the table I had well over $5,000 worth of clothes and still more to use for later. I gave away over $3,000 worth of baby clothes and size 2 that I didn't need. These clothes were all gymboree, old navy, baby gap, and boutique clothing store clothes. Almost everything came with a matching hat and socks. My boys are still wearing the clothes 2.5 years later!! Like I said we are set for spring and summer for everyone in the house!! The only thing I truly needed was some more size 3 t-shirts and pants for Braden as Colton was VERY HARD on clothes when he wore that size( the boys are now one size apart after being the exact size for almost 2 years!) AND AGAIN GOD PROVIDED THEM FROM ANOTHER FRIEND JUST TWO WEEKS AGO!!!! Now that doesn't include all the toys we got either!! There were tonka trucks that have batteries and do fancy stuff that cost over $50 brand new and we got 3 of them plus about another $2,000 worth of toys ALL WITH BATTERIES THAT WORKED!!! The grand total from that night was somewhere between $10,000-$15,000 In toys and clothing if purchased new from the stores where she had gotten them!! And God did it all because I asked for a horse and reminded HIM HE WOULD PROVIDE FOR THE GIFT HE HAD GIVEN US!! I don't think I'm ever going to get rid of that horse as every time I see it I think of what GOD has already done!!!!

See I know GOD CAN GIVE US A MIRACLE and that is what getting out of debt will be--HE IS FAITH TO PROVIDE AND WE ARE FAITHFUL TO RECEIVE!!!! IN A MOMENT OF TIME GOD CAN DO FOR US WHAT WE CAN NOT DO FOR OUR SELF!!! We will faithfully do our part but we are also standing on the word and expect a miracle!!!

Smells like SPRING!!!!

2009-03-06T14:51:00.002-06:00

OH this morning was one of those days I so look forward to as it had in it the first real smells of spring in the air. Many people have a favorite time of the year and for me it's the start of EVERY SEASON with spring and fall being my favorite. I know many people just have one time of the year that is their all time favorite but for me it's the start of each and every season. Being in Oklahoma means we do at least get the start of a new season unlike other areas of the US where the weather is the same most of the time or they really only have about 3 seasons as one is really short.

Spring in Oklahoma isn't like other areas of the US as we don't really have "cool days" . We get a few cool days and rain shower but here spring is mostly HOT ONE DAY and BACK TO THE 40's or 50"s the next. So today when I woke up and could open the windows at 8:30 in the morning and smell the fresh slightly cool with a promise of warm air I was in heaven!! By three this afternoon though we have the air conditioner on--lol!!

There is something about the renewal of all things dead in spring that makes you just want to be closer to God. As things bloom and blossom I'm reminded that God and His promises are new every morning and no matter how dark and dried up life can seem at times renewal does come!!

Tomorrow is suppose to be another great day and we are spending it at the zoo to help celebrate the life of a dear friend of the boys and gift he is to his family (HAPPY BIRTHDAY EARLY RYAN!!!) and we are looking forward to the warmth and sunshine. Next week looks like the clouds and cold can return but not for long as spring is itching to stay around and we look forward to it!!

Wii splurge!

2009-03-05T08:49:00.002-06:00

We got wii'd on Tuesday!! It's been one of the funnest things we have invested in in a very long time. And I'm not feeling guilty at all. For those who are wondering HOW OR WHY we would go and spend $450 on a gaming system when we are trying to get out of debt I'll share a little insight.

Getting out of DEBT is like going on a diet when you are obese. If you put yourself on a fad diet that restricts all the things you love and deprives you of some pleasures than you set yourself up for failure. The same thing applies to getting out of debt. I know you can surf the web and find tons of blogs from people doing radical debt reductions by living on the barest of essentials and they are having success and don't mind doing it but that is not for us. Yes we plan on applying as much as we can to paying off the debts we have incurred and are slashing our budget in every way possible to do that but we are also not leaving out some fun. Like a diet , if you deny the things you love eventually you will fall off the diet and have a benge--some can go on a benge and get right back on tract and others go on the benge and give up. Either way you never learn the real lesson and that is it's ok to enjoy yourself IN MODERATION. There is also this little thing called STRIFE that tends to rear its' little head when money is concerned. If you really want to have a good fight with your spouse just bring up money!!-lol!! It is vitally important when you begin to dig out from debt that you watch and guard yourself from strife. If you don't plan for some fun than you will have NO FUN and once fun and joy are out the window things go down hill fast.We know this road to debt freedom is not a short one but it doesn't have to be a weary one either---it is totally ok to have some fun while you walk that path to financial freedom!!

Since we have already cut out major things like satellite tv or cable and are cutting out the netflix we choose to use a little of the tax refund for a one time splurge on something we could use and enjoy EVERYDAY. The reason the wii was chosen as our splurge was two fold. One it can be used by everyone and promotes family unity as we are all together playing along and second it has the benefit of aiding us in our quest to be healthy!! Now there may be some out there laughing about that last statement but let me tell you 30 minutes of wii fit games and you will know in the morning you had a fabulous workout! In fact the one thing I wanted the most was for John and I to focus on our health together and in the 24 hours we have had the system he and I have spent more time exercising together than we have done in the past five years. I SAY TOGETHER as I have already been working out but NOW I CAN WITH MY HUSBAND and have a great time also. This alone was worth EVERY DIME SPENT!!!!

we won't be buying any new games for a while and will rent some from the gaming store first to see if it's worth our money so there is no wasteful spending on a game that no one likes or enjoys. The system comes with enough games that are fun and will keep us busy for a while anyway so no need to rush out and start spending any more.

Other things we are doing for entertainment for the rest of the year that we have no guilt in spending money for are the renewal of our zoo pass as that provided a wonderful and very rewarding playdates for the boys and I this past year. I will be keeping my eye out for when they do the membership drive as last year during three days in April they offered memberships for half off. Ours cost $65 and so getting it for $30 is may goal this year. We are also planning on getting a pool membership from our local community. We have fabulous pools here in our town with great kiddy pools and I plan on going with the boys as often as possible to help burn off there energy during the summer months. Since the pools do have some evening hours John will be able to join us for some family fun after a long day at work. The house we left in Wagoner had an in ground pool so we are use to being able to spend the summer in the water--the cost of the membership is LESS than what the chemicals used on the pool at the other house so this year will actually be a bigger blessing to us financially because we aren't spending so much on the chemicals and extra electric for the pool pump not to mention the water you have to keep adding because it evaporates!!

And our last "entertainment" money is for the boys T-BALL. We hope to know what team we are on and will be starting practice soon!

By allowing some recreation in our budget our hopes are to not become discouraged during our "DEBT DIET" so to speak. There are ways to have entertainment for totally free and I don't have a problem with doing any of those, RENTING DVD"S FROM THE LIBRARY IS FREE, GOING TO THE PARK IS FREE, MOST LAKES ARE FREE TO SWIM IN. We may include all of these in our life also but I wanted anyone who is following our venture into the land of more than enough to know you can spend some money on yourself and not feel guilty about it.

Progress report #1

2009-02-27T11:19:00.005-06:00

It's been a few days for the challenge and for other things going on in the family so here goes an update.

FIRST OFF POTTY TRAINING:
Braden has done remarkably well--much to my surprise! We have had few accidents and the ones we have had are from me not being deligent to take him on a regular basis. Yesterday was a "test" day as we went to a playgroup activity that was far away from home and I wasn't sure how he would do once he was out of his comfort zone. He was PERFECT!!! But we had an accident later in the evening because I fully forgot to make him go potty after we got home. By the time he had the accident he was totally exhausted from the day and I was in the middle of making dinner with the granddaughter on my hip. We are committed to wearing real underwear all day long and will not go back to pull-ups. HE came down with a bad cold right after starting this update ( a few days ago) and so we are seeing more pee accidents as I have been pushing the fluids and forgetting to push the potty--lol!!

EXCERSISE:
Doing better than I thought!!!! I have really really negelcted myself and so I'm so out of shape that the thought of getting back into shape was almost depressing. Without the help and encouragment of my dear friends I think I fully could have been a failure at this once again. I do one of two things in my own attempt to sabbotage myself--I either give up on day three as I'm hurting by then or I press forward but EAT AWFUL so that all that I did is wasted. So It's been three full days of my committment to better myself and present my body as a temple of the Holy Spirit and I will say I'm fighting the later of doing GREAT and Pressing in but eating awful. The awful is not as bad as times past and I'm very aware that I'm doing it and that is the first step in stopping! I have my friends and God to be accountable to so I'm hyped and ready to make the break through. The worse I have done so far is to go on a "Captian Crunch" eating benge last night--lol!!!! ., Muscles are starting to tone up and most of all I"m looking forward to the workouts!

SELF IMPROVEMENTS

Well here is why this is a PROCESS and not a flip the switch and it all falls into place. I'm doing better on some areas and failing in others. I have started taking better care of my full body--not just in the exercise but actually nurturing it. Did a great PEDICURE on the old feet and they are starting to look human again. Since it's warming up and I'm a huge sandal wearer I have great motivation to keep it up. Over all skin care was great for a day or two until the boys got sick and I would just fall into bed as always without washing my face and moisturizing so I need to get back on track. House work has gone out the window as the boys have kept me hopping with not feeling good--laundry is piled up, kitchen is a wreck, but the floors have stayed nice and the bathrooms are getting a full scrub to keep the germs out.

DEBT CLASS

I didn't get to attend the first class as both boys were to sick to take to church. John went and brought home the worksheet which is what the class was taught over almost word for word. I have read it and have a few favorite quotes to share
"You can only change your future if you change your present!"

John Maxwell said," A budget is telling your money where to go, not trying to figure out where it went" I have to say I LOVE THIS QUOTE!!!!!!

When your out-go exceeds your income, your up-keep becomes your downfall!

the goal this week is to fill out the budget sheets--one of the main important thing was to learn to fill out the budget and have a zero balance EVERY MONTH, We have to preplan where every dime is going to with nothing left over as any "extra" would be assigned to debt payments or the emergency fund

Which brings me to the fact that an emergency fund was STRESSED. Starting with the baby fund of $1,000 and working toward the 3-6 month of living expenses in savings
For us starting this class came at the most important time as we just got our tax refund and so the "baby fund" is already established thanks to this refund!!!! THANK GOD!!!

Tonight is Tuesday and we are planing on sitting down and working on the budget sheets TOGETHER!!!

On a side note I talked to John already and had requested we try and get the food amount under control by setting a grocery limit--this has been a touchy spot for many years as we go back and forth about me wanting us to only spend so much each week and that amount being BLOWN because re return to the stores so much or go out to eat. So I ask that we at least try and start by doing a 2 week shopping trip and set the limit to $160

We made a two week menu plan and went to Wal-Mart and Aldis's-- I had to stay home at the last minutes as I was having some health issues all of a sudden and had to take my meds and let them kick in so John,Annie and Braden went( Colton stayed home because he was really not 'feeling berry good' as he says)--they spent the full $160 but forgot a few items( and added a few that weren't on the list--lol!!!) so we will be over once I get the few things left off but over all it was A HUGE SUCCESS. We now know what we are having and there is NO going out to eat!!! Since there was no coupons used or really any sales ads used either I expect to get this under the dollar amount next time. It will be a work in progress but everyone is happy with this weeks results, We are eating very good meals and I can slash the budget by adding more frugal meals that will be less expensive and yield leftovers for lunches and further lowering the limit.

Once the full budget numbers get in I'll post them and hopefully will have figured out how to do my debt tickers!

Lent/Friendship/makeover

2009-02-25T11:22:00.004-06:00

Today marks the start of Lent. I have a friend who is Catholic and has challenged us in our "playgroup" to better our self during this 6 week period. For some Christians lent is when they sacrifice something as a reminder of what Jesus sacrificed for us for others lent is a time of self betterment --a time to improve your self as a way of giving thanks to God for all He did for us through Christ. I have been a christian for most of my life but since I'm not catholic lent hasn't been much of a big deal. It's a term I have heard but never really understood and NEVER PRACTICED. I think that is sad in some ways, as I truly believe we as Christians can learn from those of different faiths. Most of the time we only look to our own denomination and never explore or try to understand someone else's denomination or how or why they do what they do. But thankfully our little playgroup is made up of many different denominations and we all learn and grow through them all. I so love having friends who are different than me as it makes me stretch and grow. We have all decided to exercise and put our money where our mouth is during lent. Our challenge is to "pay" our self for exercising and after Easter we are going to a FANCY EXPENSIVE restaurant and can only spend what we earn! Our hope is that we can afford more than just a glass of water--lol!!

Having a group of friends has been one of the treasures that I value in my life. For so many years(18 to be exact!) I haven't had any "girlfriends" to hang out with and that had left a void and emptiness that my husband could never fill. He has and still is my very best friend but he is no GIRL and doesn't understand being a GIRL at all--lol!!! So during this time of reflection as we girls work hard to earn our night out I'm giving thanks for my girlfriends!

This leads me to the last thing and that is a TOTAL ME MAKEOVER!! I'm going to use the 6 weeks of lent to work on making ME BETTER--both inside and out. Many of the things John and I will be doing to get our finances in shape are things that will have a wonderful and profound effect on getting me in shape to be the woman God and I have both wanted me to be.So the list of things I want to work on are as follows
DILIGENCE
HEALTH
CONSISTENCY
RESOURCE FULLNESS
CREATIVITY
And finally FEMININITY

Many of the things go hand in hand and since I'm going to be working on some with the aide of others I hope to be successful in them all. By doing a hard long look at our finances and taking the steps needed to get out of the ocean of debt we are in I will become more diligent in not just money but in other areas of our life which will help in being more resourceful. I would like to work harder at being a better housewife in both my cleaning and cooking skills. This of course means I have to become consistent in everything I do. Right now I'm good on some days but not so good on others. I really do want to be a better cook and getting healthy is going to be a great way to improve my creativity in that department. But I also want to be better at being creative in every area of my life. I want to establish a household routine and stick to it, a discipline routine for the boys, preschool work time every week,a daily OUTSIDE PLAYTIME, and a time for God which should actually come first in the day so God gets the best of me and not the left overs! And lastly I'd like to improve on my femininity --lol!!! I didn't grow up with a girly mom so I have nothing to pull from. I'm not a girly girl and that is not my intentions on becoming one either but I could improve how I look and take care of myself, not only for my benefit but for John's to. Some of the things I really need to work on is skin care, nail care, along with weight loss. I don't feel very womanly mostly because I don't take the time to nurture myself. So I'm going to strive to be more womanly in the next 6 weeks with wearing more dresses to church( right now I only wear slacks as I hate high heals!!), doing my nails as they are awful and my hands are so rough it hurts to put on my makeup lately, and lastly get my feet in shape along with the rest of me. My feet are so rough you could use them like 30 grit sandpaper--lol!! I want to wear sandals and like the way my feet look in them. So that's the plan.

DEBT

2009-02-23T11:48:00.003-06:00

What is it and how did we get there?! For most when you say that word they think it's "everyday" bills and such or a broader word of lack but the dictionary says debt is as follows

DEBT:To owe, something owed by one person to another or others 2.an obligation or liability to pay or return something 3.the condition of owing

I think that is to simplistic and why we as Americans are so far into debt. I fully think the definition should read more like this----DEBT:an obligation or liability to pay for something without the ability to do so! After all I have an electric bill and a water bill and a gas bill which are things that I owe for the service I used but because I can pay them I don't count those as debts nor do I think having them makes me in debt.

The DEBT I'm talking about is the one that makes you a slave to those you owe--even if you didn't deliberately run up a bill or obligation it's the kind of owing that robs you of the blessings God has for you because you can't get past the debt.

to many times we think about "buying" something and put it into the category of simple debt--we want something,we charge it and owe on it and we go about our business as though nothing is wrong or out of whack. After all we just have "debt" like the dictionary--we owe something to someone --no big deal right? But DEBT has become a big deal for many many Americans--us included, as we bought into the idea that owing for things was really not a big deal and just a simple part of life after all we owe for our utilities but don't think of our self as being in debt--we live in houses and drive cars but we don't see that as debts as you have to live in a place and most of us need cars to get around so since it's a "needed thing" it's not a debt giving item. But somehow we went from having "debt" that we owed and could pay for easily to being IN DEBT which is owing more than what we can pay for out of our own abilities. Now granted most of our debt is from medical issues that we had no control over but half of our debts are simply our fault for not planning better.

It's so easy to blame someone else for the debts we have but the truth is we are our worst enemy and have no one to blame but our self. At one time we had one credit card with a small limit and we waited until I was 25 years old before we ever got that--now that doesn't sound like I was all that old at the time but I was only 16 when we got married so we waited a full NINE years into our marriage before we ever got a credit card.We used it for true emergencies and payed it off most of the time--since the credit limit was only $1,200 for so many years we never felt in debt even when it was maxed out as John could just do 2-3 side jobs and make that much in 2 weeks or less if we needed the money that bad. But now we have more credit cards than I want to admit to and worse of all we owe more than the national average. For those that don't know the national average is around the $8,000 to $9,000 mark. SHOCKING ISN'T IT!!!And yet that is just an average as many many people owe more than that on credit cards alone. Factor in your car debt,house debt and other non essentials and you have an out of control wildfire of debt and no fire hose in sight!

So how did we get there--owing so much and becoming a slave to the lenders as the bible puts it. Simple---WE ALLOWED OUR SELF TO BECOME SEDUCED BY THE WORLDS INTERPRETATION OF DEBT, AND TOOK OUR EYES OFF OF GOD!!! WE ALONE ARE TO BLAME FOR ALL THIS! It's totally our fault for dancing with the devil, Satan is a seductress in every since of the word, he works in subtle and tantalizing ways and sucks you into his snare all so you are too in tangled to follow after God and the true plan for your life. It was a simple start, we got a Sears card on top of our credit union credit card which was no big deal at first but that lead to us having a false since of being in control which lead to us getting a credit card for our business and justifying that which at the time we thought we were managing things well and still within our realm of being able to pay for it. That of course lead to another business credit card and then still a third one then another personal credit card and all the while we told our self what the devil was seducing us with-- which was debt and slavery to the lender-- was still no big deal after all we could just get one big job and pay them all off, the "big job was just around the corner" but all that was a lie-- as we had gone from trusting in God for our every move to relying on our self .We had put us into Satans hand and at his will to sift us like sand whenever he choose to. And sift us he did!! All the "big" jobs dried up and we made one mistake after another as our eyes got further and further off of GOD!

TAKING OUR EYES OFF OF GOD WAS OUR DOWN FALL!!! Debt is like the ocean- vast and deep, but at the shore line it can be some of the prettiest places in the world! After all who doesn't like a day at the beach--just go to the Caribbean where the white sandy beach and clear beautiful ocean meet and you can see why it's so easy to jump in and get wet, there at the shore line you don't see the danger as you can get in and swim around, you can even swim away from the beach but still keep it in your eyesight so no big deal, you can stay wet as long as you like with your feet firmly on the ocean floor and "tell yourself" all is well but get out there far enough and before you realize it you have nothing in your view but the vastness of the ocean and the water instead of being clear and beautiful is dark and stormy. There is nothing out there to hold on to either, just your own strength which you know will wear out soon. It's that dark and scary place with the energy of our self slipping away that John and I found we were at a few months away. So helpless and even hopeless that we would survive. We no longer feel the fear we did just a few short months ago not because we got out of the ocean but because we finally put our eyes back on Jesus!
I love the story in the bible of Peter walking on water--you can read the whole passage yourself in Matthew 14:22-33 it totally describes us right now in so many ways. We put our self in a boat and rowed under our own power until we were in the middle of the ocean(Peter was in a lake but it's almost the same thing) and the storms of life came upon us and we were frightened we knew there was hope(Jesus,Gods favor,wisdom) and walked a good part of the way towards that but we faltered and took our eyes off the answer and went under fast and hard and sank almost to the point of drowning. But standing right in front of us the whole time was the answer and so we called upon that NAME THAT IS ABOVE THE NAME OF DEBT and He heard our cry and reached out toward us. This is the place where we are at---still in the ocean but our eyes on Jesus, His hand is on ours and we are being pulled up and just like the story we know we will soon be back in the boat with the calm winds and heading back in toward the shore of the land of even where we can once again climb that mountain of abundance and enter into the land of more than enough---a place we plan on staying!!

We are taking a "GET OUT OF DEBT CLASS" at church starting on Sunday evening--it will be a true reality check. I plan on blogging about it as we go through this and being totally and fully honest about our finances. I hope to add a debt ticker to the side bar so I and everyone else can see God work the miracle in our life of debt reduction. NO I DON"T THINK MONEY WILL RAIN DOWN FROM HEAVEN IN THE LITERAL SINCE but I know it will be a miracle as God speaks and we listen and obey. When Jesus reached out and took Peters hand while he was drowning a miracle took place as Peter once again WALKED ABOVE THE WATER--only this time it was with the Lord at his side one step at a time and that is how we will do it to.

I invite anyone who reads this to join with us and take the challenge to "OWE NO MAN ANYTHING BUT TO LOVE HIM" If you aren't ready to take the plunge yourself or better yet you don't need to than just join with us in faith as we go through this and give God the glory due as He faithfully provides!!

I can't let go!!!!

2009-02-21T16:19:00.002-06:00

So I went shopping today and got to spend just a few minutes alone with my hubby which is a rare occasion and when we got home the phone rang. It was Ashton calling to ask about our baby crib. A lady she works with was wanting a crib for her house for her granddaughter. We just took it down when we moved as Braden LOVED LOVED LOVED still having his crib. NO matter how many times we tired to let him sleep with Colton he would insist on getting back in his crib right as he was about to fall asleep. So when we moved we just didn't put it up. He got Colton's old bed and Colton got Annies old bed and Annie got one her big brother was trying to get rid of.

So here in the garage sits a good crib that we are tripping over, and someone wanting it and willing to BUY IT FOR MONEY, which I could use right now as I have a few things I'd love to get for the new house,BUT I CAN"T LET GO!!!!! And the funny thing is JOHN isn't really pushing me at all to.

I keep having these stirrings about another child--sometimes it's a waiting child but other times it's to do foster care again and so I'm finding it hard to let go of anything baby.Even though JOHN INSISTS WE ARE DONE AND THERE WILL BE NO MORE KIDS--he to is sending mixed signals--he talks about making a space we found in this new house into a bedroom if we buy it along with another undiscovered space and having a 5 bedroom house but if we are done and soon to only have 2 kids at home I can't see why we would need a 5 bedroom house! But everytime we look at houses this past year he would comment on getting a 4-5 bedroom house--so the stirrings remain and I"m not ready to let go.....

Maybe we are done but it doesn't seem that way most days--John actually said he isn't ready to get rid of the crib but doesn't want to set it up either and talks about a bigger house but says we are done and looks forward to only having our two boys at home so the confusion and maybe the stirrings are happening in his heart to........ I don't know but I"m pondering them in my heart and waiting for God's direction on the whole thing and in the mean time I'll keep tripping over the crib on my way to the car as it's a visible sign and reminder that something or someone may be in the works--lol!!

Potty Training and T-Ball

2009-02-21T14:13:00.002-06:00

Now most people would not be putting those two things together but one has inspired the other here at the funny house--lol!!

One of the greatest joys of starting our family over is that we get the chance to do all the things we wanted to do with our first 4 but never had the resources. Hence I refer to the boys sometimes as our "do over kids"--we are doing over all the things we loved and excelled in as parents to our bio kids, but most of all improving on our mistakes. I find it odd that once we as parents finally get to the "finish line" of raising our kids and finally have the knowledge we lacked and so desperately needed when beginning our journey as parents we simply think we are done and that was all there was for us. I look around at so many great and wonderful people and think "WHY ARE YOU DONE PARENTING JUST BECAUSE YOUR KIDS GREW UP?" there are so many kids out there that need a mom and dad and so many MOMS AND DADS that have no kids that in my little simple mind I think why not do the obvious and adopt?!!!

Being a parent again after raising our other kids has been the greatest joy and is so much easier now. Yes the neiveness of our youth is gone but so is the uncertainty and the hopeless feelings that sometimes come when your 2 year old is having fit after fit and nothing you seem to do is stopping them. Being a senior parent means I fully understand that somethings in life are really just for a season and somethings are there because we allowed them to be and it's really us that needs to change and not the child. The confidence that comes from having done that makes up for the lack of energy--lol!!

So for my husband one thing he and I had wanted to experience but never got a chance to was T-BALL. Our son John-John wanted to play but we had NO MONEY for the fees plus John worked two and sometimes three jobs at a time back then so I could stay home and raise the kids. So many friends and family members told us to just "wait for the grandkids" and we could do all that we wanted to then but it really isn't the same. I had to much "PARENTING" left in me to sit back and just be a Nanna. So we took the plunge and signed both boys up for ball!! We may only make it for one season--who knows but at least we are getting the chance to try. I'm not one to want to dictate my schedule around someone elses and I love the freedom in getting to go and do what I want when I want so having to go to practice every week and knowing my weekends are already spoken for is going to be an adjustment but one I'm looking forward in doing. The funny thing is I think our son John-john was more excited than anyone about the T-ball--lol!!! He is loving watching his brothers do the things he never did--knowing that he is going to be right behind them doing those exact same things with his own son in just a few years.

So this left me with one option and that was biting the bullet and making myself potty train Braden. That boy is the poster child for stubbornness and has declared for many many months he wants NOTHING TO DO WITH TRAINING! Even though he will be 4 in just another month and a half he finds no shame in pull-ups, no candy worth the bribery, and perfectly happy to be in the "little boy class" at church because he is still in diapers. Even though he is mister independant in everything else I guess the boy has in someway LOVED being my baby for at least that part of his life. Of course I think having two neices and a nephew recently and seeing "momma " change those babies and give them all the attention has helped his desire to stay a baby just a little longer--lol!!!

The first day was just exactly like I had feared the most and wanted to avoid--lots of screaming NO and refusal to sit on the potty but after a day or two he seems to have desided the joy of being a big boy is worth it. I have a feeling I will get to post a praise report in as little as two weeks!! It will be sad to no longer have a baby in the house but I think by age 4 I should have let the boy grow up a little!

IN the mean time there are a few "other" little ones waiting for families that are tugging on my heart--just need a change of heart in my hubby and the house could be full of the pitter patter of little feet once again--lol!!!! God is always willing...just need the willing hubby.......

Untill then LET"S PLAY BALL!!!!!!!!!!

A slice of heaven!

2009-02-17T21:11:00.003-06:00

Sunday was a wonderful day as I got to see one of our former foster kids! Before we started our journey to international adoptions we were first foster parents. In the first five months we had 6 kids placed in our home. The last three were a sibling set and we had them for over 18 months. At one time we had our 4 bio kids and the three foster kids all under one roof and I was In HEAVEN!!!

The moment our three "little ones " as I reffered to them often was placed with us I TOLD God they were mine--but God had other plans for them and the more I pushed for them to be mine the more they weren't available to be. Once I finally surrendered to God's will for them and allowed God to show me where my child was He stepped in and paved the way for them to go to their forever home. IT was a very emotional time for both John and I as we were wanting to adopt and had these three kids that were available to adopt yet God kept saying NO! Once we met thier forever family we knew why God said no. He had plans for them and plans for us but thankfully those plans still involve seeing the "little ones". It had been a while since we saw any of them last and so Sunday was a treat as we got to be with "sissy". She is extremely close to our oldest daughter Ashton and spent the night with her and see her baby Lexie.

The flood of love and missing her was so real and strong but I have learned to not ask God "why not" after every time we are together. My heart towards them is as a mother even though we have agreed to by just "Aunt and Uncle" to them. At times I feel like a birth mom who had to choose "adoption" for her child. The flood of love and wanting them to have what you can't provide combined with the guilt of wanting to keep them even though you know it wouldn't be the best is just such a weird place to be. I clearly see how 'letting go" provided things for them that we could never( not material things but emotional plus the ability to handle some issues we could not have). It's fabulous to get to be with them and know what they are doing and seeing the joy in thier faces when we are together as it warms my heart and lets me know we did the right thing. I love these precious moments out of their life and it reminds me to write more to the birth moms of Colton and Braden even if they never go check the file. I want for these women to have the chance that I'm getting with my little ones. The chance to know what is going on and how they are doing.

It is the good bye though that brings the flood of missing once again. I know that I know they are where God wanted them to be and I was just the stepping stone to get them there. It's a slice of heaven when we are together and I treasure the moments.

Landlords!

2009-02-13T19:15:00.002-06:00

Wow I never thought that would be our title in life but we have officially rented out the Wagoner house and become landlords!!! Our new tenants are a legally blind woman and her husband who have a heart for special needs kids. She has two blind children--one a teenager and one a surprise late in life baby, an adopted daughter from the US foster care system, and will be raising her special needs adult niece. She and her husband also do foster care and once they move they plan on doing that again.

When we decided to first sell our house we prayed that God would send the ones that would be blessed with the house and would continue to fill it with praises to HIM. The new "lady of the house" has been praying for a LARGE HOUSE all on one floor. She saw the house right after another family and was sure we would rent to them first so she prayed and prayed all day for favor for herself. I was so touched that when we called to say she could rent it because she immediately started praising God and thanking HIM for HIS blessings. This family is everything we had prayed for when we first wanted to sell it. Even though it's just going to be rented and not sold we have seen how keeping it can be a great profit to us after all. There are some things in the works about getting into that" land of more than enough" and this house has a major part in getting us there. In due time I hope to share all that God is doing for us!

In the mean time THANK YOU LORD FOR SENDING THE ONE THAT WILL CHERISH THE HOUSE YOU GAVE TO US SO LONG AGO!!!

Annies praise report!

2009-02-10T21:54:00.002-06:00

For those who don't know our youngest daughter Annie was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis back in September. She had been battling symptoms off and on for a full year and finally through a colonoscopy they discovered that the lower third of her colon was ulcerated and inflamed. She went on meds to try and shrink the swelling but soon after had what we now know as a "flare up" and the meds were not working--this went on for weeks and the doctor just kept switching meds telling us it takes time to "find the right one" all the while she deteriated before our eyes. At Thanksgiving she must have had a UTI that really sent her in a tail spin and she lost over 20 pounds--which she wasn't that big to begin with. We rushed her to the hospital the day after her 18th birthday where she stayed for a full week and still only got marginally better. Her doctor released her and we were home for a whopping 24 hours before we brought her back--THIS TIME SHE STAYED FOR 2.5 WEEKS--clear through Christmas!!! she dropped down to 88 pounds befroe they started her on IV nutrition( before that it was just plan saline IV no calories or vitamins or fats)

They also did another colon scope sand discoverd that now her WHOLE colon was infected and we might need to remove it. We were devestated to say the least--how could we have gone from the lower third to the whole thing being infected all while under the care of a doctor!!!!! After some very potent meds with severe side effects she started to get better and we came home in Late December.

Her doctor kept telling us it would take a while to get her in remission and that our goal was to be in remission for several years before she could stop the meds--He proclaims that it is only a matter of time before we will need to remove her colon but we believe JESUS has another plan!! HE BORE HER SICKNESS AND CARRIED HER PAIN AND BY HIS STRIPS IS SHE HEALED!!!

So at Mondays check up the doctor was suprized to hear she isn't having ANY SYMPTOMS AT ALL!!! He was shocked to see her in remission so soon!!!! But we know why she is!! God is still on the thrown giving out miracles everyday!! We have done our part and believed in the blood of Jesus healing her and she has done her part in taking the meds as the doctor ordered and God met us right where we were at with our faith! I fully believe Annie will not need the 5-10 years worth of meds as the doctor thinks to keep her in remission!

We give GOD THE GLORY FOR THE WORK HE IS DOING IN ANNIE!!!

Nannas' and Poppas' treasures!

2009-02-10T21:29:00.004-06:00

I haven't posted pictures of our grandbabies so here they are!! It is so wonderful being a Nanna( I refuse to be "granny, grandma,or any other old sounding name--lol!!! ) I really could just eat them up! This is Ryan and he is the youngest of the grandbabies and the only grandson. Next is Baylee and she is the youngest of the girls--we call her "toad baby" because she is all squishy like a toad--lol!!! Even her cellulite has cellulite! and the last is Alexcia and she is the oldest. I adore her big ole eyes and she has learned how to wrap her Poppa around her little finger!We went from ZERO grandbabies to three all in about a a four month span. We had them all over at the house yesterday which is a rare occassion as the only time they are all three together is at church( which is three times a week--lol!!) but it's still nice to have them together!

Finally DONE!

2009-02-09T22:41:00.002-06:00

WHEW!!! SO GLAD IT"S OVER!! I'm so done moving and ready to settle down and be "normal" for a while--lol!!! I'm so tired and my bones ache which proves I really am over 40! I still have the office to officially unpack and some stuff in the garage to go through and organize but then it's just pictures to hang and we are DONE. I'm actually going to decorate this house even though we are renters( I didn't decorate the last rental for many reasons) and can't wait to get started--unfortunately all my stuff is OLD and doesn't go well with the house but I'll have to make do as new stuff is way down on the priority list.

I'm planning on taking pictures of the house and posting them so stay tuned as this house is a blessing in so many ways. God saw the desires of my heart and provided!! There is a HUGE testimony about the house we are renting that I hope to share someday in full--it all begins and ends with being faithful to God and walking in love and you don't want to miss it when I'm free to share.

Colton is doing much better than I thought--he is still getting up at night 2-3 times but it's getting better. His room is so far away from ours and my hips and feet have been hurting so much that I felt like crying the first night I had to walk him back up the stairs to his room. I almost gave up my downstairs office once again to him just so I wouldn't have to walk so far but it's working out. I caught him twice in Bradens room with the light on trying to wake him up and come into his room, I'll need serious help the day he does wake him and the two of them actually get up and play at 2 am--lol!! It's happened one time before and man was the house a mess! Braden is officially out of the crib and in a big bog bed! He has fallen out a few times but stayed asleep. His insecurities about moving showed up this afternoon and I'm trying hard to be patient with him as he is a BEAR and we aint talking TEDDY here it's full blown GRIZZLY--GRH!!!!! I'm going to try and nip it in the bud right away by pully out the ergo and wearing him for an hour or two everyday, also going to take him with me at every errand I have to go do so he doesn't think I left him. I did leave him with his favorite sister today while I took Annie to the doctor and that seems to be the reason for his melt downs all afternoon and this evenings wild running around.

HUGE PRASIE REPORT About ANNIE!! She is in remission!!!!!!! I'll give her a post all to herself tomorrow as I'm ready for advil and bed now!!

We are good to go!!!

2009-02-03T12:41:00.002-06:00

We have FAVOR beyond believe and are free to move THIS WEEKEND!!!!! PRAISE GOD!!!!! I don't know how much blogging I'll be doing as I have no idea how important getting me Internet is going to be the first few days but I'll try and keep up!!! I am so happy and suddenly so panicked as I have to clean and pack ( or just start throwing this in the car and forget the boxes!!)

A few praises!

2009-02-03T09:11:00.002-06:00

First off I can't even begin to think or write without saying GOD IS SO GOOD AND FAITHFUL!!! When things are as stressed as they have ever been it feels like peace is flowing towards me like a river!

Colton is FINALLY getting back into his "normal" sleep pattern and I feel like a new Mommy! He went to bed at 8:30 and had a melt down as he was overly tired by then but did manage to stay in his bed and was asleep by 9 and stayed that way until 3 AM this morning PRAISE GOD!!!! He then went right back into his bed after coming to get me and went back to sleep until 6:45 and has been up ever since! I can live with that as I got solid sleep all night with only one interruption WOOO HOOO!!!! I'm praying this keeps up and he eventually stays asleep all night.

we listed the house on craigs list last night and John already got one email and one call all before 8:30 this morning!!! Praise God!!!! I fully believe we will have that house sold and closed SOON!!!

And we are going to move to the DREAM HOUSE!!!!!! Looks like Satan wanted to steal our dreams of a better place to live and God shows up and provides a house we could have never even attempted to buy for the same price in rent as the house payment was going to be on the house we lost!!! I'll post pictures of it once we get moved in as it will be a couple of weeks but I'm thrilled beyond measure. My boys will finally have a fenced in yard and I can sent them out to play.

It's official!

2009-02-02T19:27:00.002-06:00

John got the call we knew was coming--the buyers have BAILED and will be out of our house by Saturday! We also lost the house we were wanting to buy but the wonderful news is that neither one of us is upset about it--lol!!!

God has once again provided and we are seeking HIS direction for greater clarity as to which direction to go. We have the chance to rent month to month or do a full year in a gated community. The house is a DREAM. The hardest thing is not weather we should rent this house but knowing that once we do rent it finding a house in our price range will be hard--this house is out of our league by about $90K so all the houses in our price range will feel like shabby shacks--lol!!!!

We are putting the house back up for sale or lease purchase and pray we have someone at the very least renting it by next week!

Our biggest thing is we don't want to get ahead of God in moving to the new rental---we have until Feb,20 at the house we are renting right now. The new landlord will want to know if we are doing a month to month or a full year. If we commit to a full year and than our house sells we wouldn't be able to buy.. But if we only rent out our house than we will do a full year.We also don't want to get in over our heads on a rental--but man this new rental is a cream puff!!!

Two steps forward.....

2009-02-01T21:49:00.002-06:00

and what feels like 14 steps back! The sleep issue bug has bitten once again and this time it sucks! The hardest thing about starting a blog in the middle of something is to know if you should spend hours and multiple post getting all the history of what got you here written down or just starting from where you are and trying to fill people in. I think I'll go for the later and see how it does.

A brief history about our son Colton. We adopted him when he was just turning 12 months old. Up till then he has spent 5.5 months in a hospital in Korea and the remainder of his time in Korea with his foster mom. He had never slept through the night in his entire life at the point we got him home. HE IS NOW 4 and still not sleeping through the night. Some nights are good and some are not so good but I have learned to function on getting only 2-3 hours of sleep at a time.

It has been a long haul but it looks like we have FINALLY gotten him to fall asleep as soon as we put him down---that alone is a miracle!! PRAISE GOD FOR SMALL STEPS!!! It use to be such an ordeal and took about 2 hours every night to get him to sleep which left my already tired body full exhausted. He would then sleep anywhere from 2-4 hours before getting up and coming into our room and me taking him back to his room and getting him to sleep once again. A good night would be me doing this twice a bad night is every 30-45 minutes from the time he first wakes up. I have tried co sleeping in his bed but he still wakes to see if I'm there no matter what and takes 10 to 20 minutes to get back to sleep. But like I said we are going on a full week of him falling asleep on his own so I was hopeful that he would soon be falling back to sleep when he wakes in the night.

But last night proved me wrong as he went down at 8:30 and was fast asleep in ten minutes but got up at 11:30 and every 43 minutes after that. I must have been so exhausted as he got up sometime around 3 or 4 am ( I was to tired to look at the clock to see what time it was) and had a hayday in the kitchen. He moved heavy dinning room chairs and drank out of all the dirty glasses I hadn't cleaned up then took one and tried to get into the fridge. At some point he droped the glass and it broke and then he walked through the broken glass and finally came and woke me to say he was THIRSTY and he had an ouwie!! I took him to bed and said no drinks but he cried and cried so I went to the kitchen and walked on the broken glass myself!! I wasn't expecting anything! Talk about a shock when I flipped on the light and saw the chairs and the broken glass! The good news is neither one of us hurt our feet on the glass. Colton got his water and I spent the next 30 minutes cleaning the kitchen.He was asleep when I went to bed and I thought he would stay that way but sure enough 20 minutes later he got up again. My dear hubby took pity on me and went and slept with him so I could get 45 minutes of sleep before the alarm went off to get ready for church.

Tonight I'm almost afraid to go to sleep for fear of what he would get into. His door is firmly shut so I'll hear if he gets up and I plan on sleeping with him for the rest of the night if he does get up but I"m praying he sleeps through the night just this once!!

The kitchen isn't cleaned as I took the day off after church but there is NO Glasses out--all doors are double locked and a drink is waiting for him next to the bed! Now if his daddy could please just not snore tonight I might get some sleep--lol!!!

The houe delima

2009-01-29T20:26:00.004-06:00

See the house up above--that was our house we bought back in 1995. We have been trying to sell it since January of 2008. In September last year we decided to step out in faith and go ahead and move back to our home town that John and I grew up so we changed our listing from "for sale" to "for sale or lease". Well God provided a buyer the very day we picked up the keys to our new fabulous rent house. God is so faithful to provide! The people who are buying our house were transferred from another state and the mans company is suppose to buy out their house. The buy out has taken forever and it looked like everything was going to go through so we put in an offer on this house......Way back in November and it was accepted with a scheduled closing of December 1, but the buy out for "B and C's" house has not gone through as it's been one delay after another. The builder of our house that we want to buy has been very patient and has kept pushing everything back month after month. Everything looked like we were going to close tomorrow despite the fact that" B and C " still haven't had their house bought out yet. They got a letter from the buy out company stating they would buy their old house and cashed out their 401K to pay for closing cost and everything was a green light until this morning.

The rug feels like it has been pulled out and once again I'm reminded that Satan has come to try and steal, kill ,and destroy, something from us. This morning "B and C" got devestating news that they couldn't close with the mortgage company they had planed with and was preapproved by over four months ago. They have to look for a new mortgage company and pray they get financing.

In the mean time the fabulous model home we are renting has been sold and we will have to move in 2.5 weeks so we need PRAYERS!!!

Please pray for favor for "B and C" to get financing ASAP
Favor for us with the builder of our house we want to buy
And that it all gets done ASAP so we don't have to move to another rental and turn right around and move again in a month or two!

Moving is extremely hard on our youngest son,Braden, as he had just moved with his foster mom the month before we came to Korea to take him home. He was 18 months old at the time we adopted him and so remembers very well that moving means losing the only mom you have ever remembered. When we moved to our rental he had a difficult time so we really only want to move ONCE!

Where to begin?

2009-01-28T21:03:00.002-06:00

Should I start from the beginning or begin from where we are at now? Either way the journey to now was and is filled with the hope of God, His grace and mercy,and most of all the everyday stumbles from me as I try hard to walk by faith. My hope in starting a blog is to show that everyday, ordinary people can be used in profound ways as it only takes a willing heart. Even if you never feel you have impacted the world just you being you can change a life for the better. God has promised us that we would dwell in a land of more than enough but most of the time we are trying so hard to get to "this land" that we go through life never realizing we were there all the time.

If an outsider where to look at my family they might say-you are drowning in a sea of debt with no hope of ever getting to the surface but I would say all you were seeing was the bank account. That is only a small tiny part of us. To many times people define who they are by what they have or what they can get but to me money is only a temporal thing and yes I wish we had more of it but I wouldn't trade what we do have for one dime! John and I never thought we would be where we are after 25 years of marriage but sometimes life takes you to places that give meaning to you that you never thought you had.

25 years ago we thought that once we got here we would have raised most if not all the kids we would ever have, have a house nearly paid for and be ready to ride off in the sunset free from most responsibilities.We thought we would be taking long expensive vacations, indulging in activities that we thought would give us joy and have ooddles of money to spoil the grandkids with. 25 years ago we thought it was things and being free from responsibilities that would be the life we wanted, but here we are right in the middle of starting our family over again with our two young sons we adopted from South Korea, selling one house that was more than half paid off and buying another - having to start the 30 year mortgage over, self employeed with no saftey net and right in the middle of Gods perfect will for our life!! This journey has been a very hard one at times and so easy it didn't feel real at others. We have both gotten older,sometimes we have gotten wiser, but we can truthfully say we have gotten more blessed along the way---no matter what the bank account says!